hurts so good , dawn

[dixie savannah young]

.

inject me with fear as i smile,

it was important to have everything planned out. but it was more important to know how to improvise. tonight was the night of dixie young's latest performance. of course, she needed props. in this case the prop would be playing one of the major roles. it wasn't enough to claim she was beaten by bullies every day. it didn't fill her craving for attention to announce to the world how misunderstood and alone she was. there had to be proof. the bruises she'd created on her head by smashing it against the window of an abandoned building had faded away. it had been the headline along her circle of acquaintances. however, the headline had to spread further like a rubber-band, expanding until it held captive everything within. the camera was concealed near the cafe, where she had already been waiting. her role tonight was one of the prey, her light eyes had been lined with even lighter hues to make her appear sweet and youthful. her costume for the scene was none other than her old ballet uniform. once people saw it, they'd recognize she was a dancer. it was designed to push her into stardom, at least a little bit. every inch counted.

she sat silently at one of the tables outside, her skin in goosebumps out of sheer excitement for the moment. the waves of warm oceanic air didn't touch her, the world was at her fingertips, waiting to be molded into something tragic and beautiful.

[dawn nissa carmichael]

okay, maybe she wasn't thinking clearly.

the whole dixie nonsense had started that night earlier on chat, when dawn was feeling particularly irritable and offensive and had rather singled her out. there had since been a fair amount of alcohol ingested and now, here she was, busting her ass to go meet this bitch for ice cream (was she really stupid enough to believe that dawn was being amiable? because the fact that this girl had a knack of hoodwinking everyone into thinking she was stupid and innocent, dawn was highly suspicious that dixie knew exactly what she was walking into, but dawn couldn't care less). she wasn't too drunk, not by any means - a couple beers had basically done nothing but get her to a state of controlled rage, bubbling under her lid but covered by a calm, passive aggressive exterior. in fact, dawn was surprisingly calm, compared to other occasions similar to this.

not that she made a habit of being violent - dawn tended to only be violent when intoxicated, but what dixie had done was not something dawn had to be put through often. dawn would tolerate someone being crueler to herself than she would tolerate someone fucking over her best friends even a slight bit, and dixie had done that in copious amounts. her white knuckles tightened on the steering wheel as she pulled into the random parking lot. why the hell had she decided to meet here? dawn shook her head in exasperation, only glad that her years of recreational kickboxing could go to good use. she slipped out of the black car, slamming the door behind her and making her way up the sidewalk, when her eyes fell on the girl sitting at an outdoor table. holy shit.

she was wearing some assfuck ballerina outfit. seriously? dawn stopped stock still for a moment, swallowing and trying to compose everything. why? it really didn't matter, but dawn was just grateful for the lack of people around. this was well overdue. she slipped past other tables and came to a stop in front of dixie, fingers trembling (which she hid by crossing her arms defensively, feeling like a small child with a pouty lip). "hey, thanks for showing up!" she said with mock enthusiasm. from what she remembered, dixie was about exactly the same height as her, give or take an inch. dawn wasn't too worried, however. with all the time covering as an innocent child, dixie didn't have time to be intimidating. "nice outfit. halloween store?" she had no idea things were coming out of her mouth before they did, and dawn's head gave an irritated throb as her fingers twitched again.

[dixie savannah young]

.

inject me with fear as i smile,

"hey, thanks for showing up!" the first step was to analyze her surroundings. dawn's tone of voice as well as body language was off, she displayed a panorama of emotions with a single sentence. dixie was impressed, she repeated it in her mind various times until the words lost their meaning. she left them dry broken sounds ringing in her head, striking her never endings with a hurricane of adrenaline. "um, hi! no problem. i'm really glad you want to work things out." her stage voice snuck into her own ears like soft rain against the pavement, intended for background white noise. the curl of her lips displayed genuine pleasure and her eyes were shining with hope. every muscle moved was controlled. she wasn't an amateur, the nervous tapping against the surface of the table was planned and so was every blink. they were all part of the grand routine that would one day be celebrated among thousands.

"nice outfit. halloween store?" that was unplanned. she had prepared her lines surrounding the gullible boys and direct personal insults. the fact that dawn had commented on her outfit gave the situation a much needed kick. but her face didn't dare deceive her. she simply widened her newly saddened eyes and bit her lower lip. her teeth cut through the skin, making everything sharper. "i was just coming back from a fitting. i thought you could give me your opinion. is it too pink?" pretending to ramble was the best, sneaking tidbits of her sunken creativity and putting it to good use. "my mother's was this very exact shade. i just want to have a connection with her, you know? after she died i just..." she trailed off, her pupils heading towards the night sky. "i'm sorry. we should probably talk about something else." there it was. emotion; raw and painstakingly real. viewers always liked to root for the underdog.

it was only a matter of time before dawn would lose it. it was written in the way her fingers were twitching and the lack of substance in her insults. she was wound up and based on the sudden mix in scent of the air, she had been drinking as well. if the blonde hadn't noticed that way, she would have with the size of her pupils. dixie's observational skills were another thing she was proud of. to be an actress you had to take in your environment and work with it. awareness was key. her eyes were scanners, taking everything and filing it away in case they were needed one day. it was her biggest advantage. that and the fact that most people underestimated her. except dawn, her shiny new prop that was about to make her life a lot more interesting. "um, so how are nik and max?"

[dawn nissa carmichael]

"um, hi! no problem. i'm really glad you want to work things out." dawn completely ignored the comment, not having any interest in even acting anymore. "i was just coming back from a fitting. i thought you could give me your opinion. is it too pink? my mother's was this very exact shade. i just want to have a connection with her, you know? after she died i just..." dawn stared at her, her mouth slightly open by this point. she was so exasperated and exhausted by the poor-me act from dixie, constantly getting everyone else's pity. dawn didn't care if she was going to be on everyone's bad side after this - at least she was the real one. dixie's eyes moved up to the sky and dawn stared, unimpressed. "i'm sorry. we should probably talk about something else." gag. was dawn really the only one that could see through all of it? there had been some other girl in the chat that seemed to agree with her, but dawn had real reasons for her hatred against dixie. it had taken her long enough to figure it out. "seriously?" she said the word once - quietly, even, though it was rather abrupt.

"i hope you know your acting isn't as flawless as you'd like to think, dixie." her voice was serious, her tone stinging, and dawn measured herself, taking a breath. "if you keep putting up this shitty act, people are going to find out, you know." she had leaned forward now, imitating talking to a four year old who didn't know better but to put on an act for sympathy and attention. dawn had just been planning on perhaps trying to have a conversation of substance with the girl, to see if she would actually respond instead of firing back useless and fake apologies, when a certain question popped out of the perky little lips. "um, so how are nik and max?"

her hand flew out and smacked the girl against the face, hard. so much for waiting. "seriously?!" she yelled it this time, feeling her cover wobbling. she could not believe the courage this girl had. "you seriously are going to ask me that? what the fuck! you know, they're really fucking shitty, dixie, and you know why that is?" she leaned forward more so she was closer to the girl's face. "because of you!" she couldn't hold down the fort any longer, and reached out, slamming her palms into dixie's shoulders. "i get to sit here and watch my best friends be fucked up because of some stupid bitch who couldn't care less. you really think i'm going to do that?!" she yelled incredulously.