your inferno | asher

[dawn nissa carmichael]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=width,450,true] [style=text-align: center] i remember gold days [/style] [style=font-size: 10px; line-height: 10px; padding: 25px; margin-top: -10px; color: 8c8a8a;]dawn carmichael - the party girl, the wild child. always getting wasted, always the life of the party. her thirst for partying was seemingly unquenchable. that was what everyone was used to, but unfortunately, dawn had been falling short of those expectations lately. ever since she graduated, in fact. she had gone to several parties and ended up leaving early and going home and drinking on her own. it wasn't a habit she had ever kept up before, getting three sheets wasted by herself, but it kept her mind comfortably numb. she could see why alcohol was addicting. though, dawn hadn't had any sort of meltdown recently - she was feeling more stable than ever, in an oddly unstable way. now, she stood near the back of eight ball, pocketed smoothly in the back of the large group of friends who had literally come to her apartment and forced her to come out (knocked on the door, she answered drowsily, they yanked her out the door before she ran back in and changed into some good pair of jeans, a loose blue button down, black ankle booties, slunk out the door behind them, how quickly could she get out of this?) she brought the amber glass of beer to her lips and took a sip of the lukewarm liquid, looking around in a slightly irritated manner. a couple of her friends staggered off towards the dance floor as whoever was manning the music turned up the song. it wasn't anything special - more of the indie rock genre than the pop and more mainstream things played in more popular places like rush, but dawn was actually happy they had decided on the lower key, cheap bar. it gave her more of an excuse to stand awkwardly and talk, considering the music permitted it. her life had turned into a routine of sorts. wake up, out of bed, into the shower. through the day, eat lunch, more activity, go to the gym, eat dinner, sleep. nothing was passionate anymore, and dawn had comfortably settled in this niche that was so outside what she usually functioned as. it was similar to a color picture going black and white. still the same picture, still beautiful or unique or happy or whatever it was - just colorless. bland. dawn wondered if any of the people here wondered what happened to her. maybe. not that anyone looked concerned. they just pulled her out of her comfortable apartment and forced her to go to activities she didn't want to do. something blocked her view, and dawn's eyes focused on the face that was now in front of her. it was one of her girlfriend's acquaintances - a pudgy boy that went to college with them. he stuck out his sweaty hand and gave a cheeky grin, and dawn stared at it for a moment before pressing her fingertips against his hand just barely (which didn't help anything - he closed down and shook thoroughly anyway). as he was introducing himself, dawn tried to inconspicuously wipe her hand off on the dark jeans she was wearing. thankfully, there was someone else next to her that decided to jump in on the conversation with pudgy man, so dawn's eyes drifted throughout the bar and landed on a familiar figure by the bar. not just on his figure. on his eyes, and she felt a jolt as he was looking at her as well. she looked down immediately, cursing under her breath. asher was here, that was just perfect. she had graduated and hoped she wouldn't have to run into him. things were awkward - understatement of the year. dawn was mortified, angry, resentful towards him, and still wanted him at the same time. she tried to get him to admit that he couldn't deny everything that had happened between them during the school year, but naturally he was going to push her away. like anything else she got close to. despite the fact that he was supposed to be a resource teacher (which dawn didn't even consider a real teacher), she couldn't get the fact out of her mind that there was something else there. "i have to go," she muttered awkwardly to the two standing next to her, and quickly slipped between them and through the people, trying to make it to the exit as quickly as possible. [/style] tagged asher words seven three two notes bah the emotions

[ASHER SEBASTIAN DELACROIX]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: dddddd; border: #cccccc solid 8px; width: 420px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] Never again, never again, no, will I leave you The Words: 703 The Outfit: clothes The Notes ahhh<3 Asher really didn’t want to be in the bar. It hadn’t been his idea and it had taken a lot to get him to leave his apartment. He supposed that his so called friends had good intentions but it honestly just made him rather uncomfortable. He stared down at the bottle sitting in front of him and lifted it to his lips half-heartedly. Beer wasn’t in any way his drink of choice but the small dive bar didn’t seem to offer much else. The bottle was still over half full and he was only drinking it for something to do. His friend had bought it for him before being pulled out to dance by some girl who was wearing entirely too much black stuff around her eyes. Asher had never been a fan of heavy makeup and the racoon look was one of his least favorite. He never would understand why so many perfectly attractive women felt the need to draw themselves a new face every time they left the house. He had seen it quite a bit at the high school and it didn’t seem to have an age limit from what he could tell. He felt a tap on his shoulder and he turned to see a bottle blonde wearing a dress that was two sizes too small. He tried his best to smile but he really didn’t feel like making small talk with the girl. That didn’t stop her from babbling away anyway and soon she was drunkenly spewing out her life story. If Asher wasn’t such a nice guy he probably would have got up and left but he was so he sat there and pretended to listen. By the time she finally finished he quickly excused himself and bolted for the small bathroom. He quickly shut the door behind him before the girl got any ideas and tried to follow him in. He locked it and turned to face the dingy looking mirror. His face looked pale and dark circles lined his eyes. Ever since the whole situation with Dawn had completely blown up, he hadn’t been sleeping well at all. Despite his best efforts, he couldn’t seem to stop himself from thinking about the feisty brunette. Although it had been wrong at the time, he had fallen for her anyway. Now that he wasn’t her teacher in any way, he was tempted to contact her. The only problem was that he doubted she would ever want to speak to him again. He let out a long sigh and forced himself to leave the bathroom. He glanced around and spotted the drunken girl dancing with someone else. A wave of relief swept through him and he returned to his previous spot. He sat for a moment and tried to finish his beer but he just couldn’t seem to choke it down. He placed the bottle back down on the bar and turned to see if he could spot his friend. Instead his eyes fell on an all too familiar face. His breath hitched slightly in his throat as his eyes made contact with hers. Their gazes were locked for a moment before she turned away and practically ran from the bar. For a moment he was frozen in place, unable to think clearly. His mouth hung open and all he could think about was the look of hurt that had crossed her face before she ran away from him. She had run away and it was because of him. Before he knew it, he was on his feet and they were carrying him after her. This was his only chance and if he blew it, he may never see her again. He sped up and made it to the parking lot where he saw her hurrying away from him. Dawn! His voice was loud enough so she could hear him and he broke out into a job to catch up with her. When he did he placed his hand on her shoulder hesitantly as if to stop her. Dawn, please… his voice trailed off as he waited for her to shrug his hand off of her shoulder and leave him standing there with nothing but his own regret.

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created by ADE! Pb-ified by WILL

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[dawn nissa carmichael]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=width,450,true] [style=text-align: center] i remember gold days [/style] [style=font-size: 10px; line-height: 10px; padding: 25px; margin-top: -10px; color: 8c8a8a;]naturally, it would have been raining. it had been threatening all day - ominous clouds and cool humidity. it was oddly chilly for summer - probably low sixties, dawn was guessing, and the breeze didn't help anything. hitching her black leather purse up higher around her shoulder, dawn stepped precariously off the curb, trying to swallow and rid the sore thickness of her throat, but it didn't want to leave, and tears were threatening just as spitting rain made itself present across her shoulders. dawn cursed lightly under her breath, trying to slow down her breathing but only resulting in giving a small sob. of course this would happen to her the one and only night her friends were hauling her out. trying to do something better for her, even. maybe she would have gotten better if he wasn't there and she had been able to let go and talk to pudgy man who works at intel. (not likely, but she was willing to believe anything). continuing to walk as quickly as her heels permitted towards the black jaguar xk, dawn reached up clumsily and wiped the first few tears from under her eye. her heart dropped as she suddenly heard her name behind him. it reminded her of how things used to be - sitting in his office, laughing and talking about things - usually getting off track, as she laughed and promised not to tell on him. "dawn!" she cursed under her breath and hitched her purse up again, wrapping her free arm around her stomach and trying not to cry harder. she felt the damp seeping in to her skin as the specks of rain began coming a little faster. everything about this moment was telling her not to talk to asher. "dawn, please," he said, and she felt his hand on her shoulder. persistent. wonderful. turning around with a blush burning along her cheekbones, dawn glared up at him. "don't!" she nearly yelled that word, and dawn reigned herself in to some degree, reaching up and hauling her hand under her eyes again, hoping to god it hadn't messed up the small amount of makeup she had on. "don't 'dawn please' me because you know i'll stop." she swallowed and tried to catch her breath, looking up at the sky briefly and squinting as droplets began to stick to her forehead and eyelashes. dawn looked back to asher and opened her mouth as if to say something, but ended up shaking her head and slapping the tight jeans on her thigh. "i don't know what you expect to get out of this, asher," she said desperately, feeling more hot tears mixing with cold rainwater. "you've already made it pretty clear!" her cheeks lit up again in embarassment. was it about embarassment? probably, more than anything. dawn wasn't used to being turned down, despite it all. she knew that was immature, and that it wasn't about anything more than asher's job and his responsibility thereof, but it was painful all the same. the fact that she could go in a bar and pick up any guy there, but then when she approached the one she wanted, he wasn't available to her. it wasn't something dawn was used to - not getting what she wanted, that is. all her life, she'd been privileged, spoiled by her parents (though they were rude all the same), spoiled when they died and their money was hers, spoiled because of her appearance, spoiled because of her lies. and she couldn't care less about those things. but when it came to things she actually cared about, she couldn't have them. dawn dropped her hands to her sides in defeat, leaving her lips parted and staring off to the side as she struggled to make the tears off. "i was stupid for even thinking it would work out," she whispered, dragging her eyes back to his and shaking her head. "it's my fault. sorry." [/style] tagged asher words six six zeronotes x.x

[ASHER SEBASTIAN DELACROIX]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: dddddd; border: #cccccc solid 8px; width: 420px; padding: 15 5 15 5px;] Never again, never again, no, will I leave you The Words: 733 The Outfit: clothes The Notes ahhh<3 Asher could still remember the day that he had done the thing he least wanted to do. Pushing Dawn away had been one of the hardest things he had ever done. All he had wanted was to grab her right there and show her just how he felt for her. His own sense of morality and responsibility had gotten in the way of his heart, it hadn’t been the first time nor would it be the last. The look on her face had sent a knife straight through him and it had been horrible to stand there as she walked away. It had been that last time that he had seen her and now here she was again, walking away with that same pained expression. He didn’t know how to tell her that he had only pushed her away because he felt that it was morally right. A teacher student affair wasn’t ok and he had been afraid that it would have hurt her in the end. He didn’t want her reputation to be tarnished if someone found out. Of course his would have been ruined as well but that hardly mattered to him. He would always put her above himself, it was just who he was. The rain hit him as soon as he exited the bar and he nearly let out a sarcastic laugh. Of course it would start raining, it only suited the mood. He felt as though he was living in a cheesy romantic comedy where he would chase after the girl of his dreams and they would kiss her in the pouring rain. Of course his life was nothing like a movie and in reality she would probably just yell at him and leave. He wouldn’t blame her, it was what he deserved after hurting her so badly. He hated himself for hurting her; it had never been what he wanted. His feelings for her were far more than friendly and it frightened him but he couldn’t let that hurt her. Now that they were both college students he could finally tell her how he felt even if she did laugh in his face. If he had blown his only chance then he only had himself to blame but he couldn’t go home without at least trying. As Dawn turned around he refused to step back, keeping the space between them rather small. He felt pain flash through him as he saw her tears. He resisted the urge to wipe them from her face; he doubted that she would welcome his touch. ”Don’t ‘Dawn please’ me because you know I’ll stop.” He opened his mouth to tell her all the reasons that he wanted her to stop and how glad he was the she had but she cut him off. "i don't know what you expect to get out of this, asher, you've already made it pretty clear! He opened his mouth once more and this time he didn’t give her a chance to stop him. ”I need to talk to you Dawn, I need to explain myself and I need to tell you..” he took a deep breath and forced the reaming words out. ”I need to tell you how I really feel because I don’t think you have any idea at all. He stepped closer to her and reached out his hand to brush away a stray tear that had fallen down her face. ”I never wanted to push you away Dawn, I only did it because I thought it was right at the time. He moved his hand to cup her face gently. ”I never wanted to hurt you.” ”i was stupid for even thinking it would work out, it's my fault. sorry." Asher’s jaw dropped and he shook his head from side to side. ”You really don’t get it, do you?” He took a deep breath and continued despite his own feeling of disbelief. ”You are not stupid, I’m stupid, for some reason I actually thought that if pushed you away then I could somehow change the way I feel about you but I can’t.” He leaned forward and rested his forehead against hers, the rain completely forgotten by this point. ”I care about you and I need you in my life.” He stroked her damp hair gently with his free hand. ”That’s if you want to be there of course.” created by ADE! Pb-ified by WILL

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[dawn nissa carmichael]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=width,450,true] [style=text-align: center] i'm falling in love, but it's falling apart [/style] [style=font-size: 10px; line-height: 10px; padding: 25px; margin-top: -10px; color: 8c8a8a;]she felt like she was choking. all by herself, for her own reasons, she was forced down, pinned against a wall, the wind knocked out of her, and she had to figure out how to continue to function with that emptiness. the saddest part was the fact that she had no one to blame but herself. as she turned around on him, asher didn't step back away from her, and dawn found herself looking down briefly, trying to regain some of her control. she swallowed hard, pulling her gaze back up to his as he spoke. "i need to talk to you, dawn, i need to explain myself and i need to tell you..." she watched with distrust, a furrow in her brow, but didn't interrupt him. "i need to tell you how i really feel because i don't think you have any idea at all." she was about to start speaking through what she thought was just useless blabber, but the last few words made her forget her source of anger and it was replaced with confusion. he had made it seem like there wasn't any chance for reciprocating feelings because of his position as her teacher - not that there was despite his profession, and it had put out any last flickers of hope that dawn had. now, she didn't know if that had been the right reaction. he moved closer, reaching out his hand and brushing it against her cheek. dawn's breath caught in her throat; she couldn't move, could really even think about what this meant for either of them. "i never wanted to push you away, dawn, i only did it because i thought it was right at the time." his touch was distracting her, but his words echoed in her mind like they were on a microphone. "i never wanted to hurt you." dawn blinked slowly, letting her eyes linger shut as she worked her jaw and tried to force herself to breath deeply, opening them back up to rest tiredly on his face. "you really don't get it, do you?" his voice seemed genuinely surprised, even slightly exasperated, and that only contributed to the amount of shock and confusion flooding her system. "you are not stupid, i'm stupid. for some reason i actually thought that if i pushed you away then i could somehow change the way i feel about you, but i can't." he was suddenly so close, somewhere she had only been once before, only she had been the one to initiate it. she forgot how to breathe, forgot what was sound and where the ground was. dawn hadn't expected anything like this to happen. her lips parted slightly, not for a kiss, not yet, but to unsuccessfully try to form words to describe how she was feeling. "i care about you and i need you in my life. that's if you want to be there, of course." what did she want? with the current confusion, it wasn't the easiest thing in the world to diagnose what she, dawn carmichael, wanted for herself and her life right now. she suddenly wondered if anything really had changed since he pushed her away. surely, she was still mortified and angry about the whole thing, but did she cease to care about him? no. she still had the same feelings she had before, but they had been covered up by all this nonsense because of her reaction to being let down, pushed away. "okay," she whispered dumbly, knowing nothing else she could say would appropriately describe what she was feeling at the moment except to press her lips to his carefully. there wasn't even enough pressure to be considered a real kiss, just a brush - everything was so tentative, foreign now because she didn't know what he truly wanted even though he just told her outright. the rain and bar were no longer in her ears - the only thing there was the pounding of her own pulse that made her dizzy as she brought her hands up to rest on his chest, confusion still flooding her mind. [/style] tagged asher words 685 notes i have no idea what to think of this reply