IN YOUR EYES | CHRIS

[faye celeste hanson]

SOMEBODY WHO COULD BE STRONG

it was the same every year. her mother would pick up the phone and dial that household - where he lived. they would have a long discussion; she would sit outside and talk to his mother, two empty souls that begged for understanding from each other, endless holes of pity and tolerance and depression and courage and they would talk to each other, and they would usually cry. faye would sit inside and pretend that she couldn't hear them, but of course she could. just because she didn't know the exact sequence of words didn't mean she didn't know what they meant. and then, his mother, she would pack the family up, haul them out, stuff them like turkeys with lies about how much stronger they are this year (just like her mother did). they would drive over and exit the car and the mothers would embrace and the younger ones would run off to play. she would sit by the table, tracing patterns with knives for fingers in the worn wood that he taught her to play cards on and she would not be stronger this year.

but something was different this time. well, in truth, things had been different for a while - ever since that night months ago. the night that the boy who she had decided to shut out forever had just so happened to save her life, from some monstrous excuse of a man who had attacked her on her way home from work. that was the turning point, in her mind, when everything had changed - and now, she tugged the loose pink fabric of the tank top over her head and tucked it into her shorts, getting ready for the same event with a completely morphed attitude. not that what she was putting out there was any different - they had still spent the day apart, mainly in silence, without any words except those completely necessary. faye found herself wishing she had younger siblings, though she would never wish they experience her father's death and everything after it. children had a sort of air of forgetfulness, not only living by it but enabling it upon others. how faye craved the ability to forget and laugh and dance and eat a huge meal and learn to roller blade without being haunted by his memory. she studied her reflection for a second longer, mentally criticizing the long, dark blonde locks twisted and piled atop her head, and swept her fingers along her loose bangs and the several strands of hair hanging down before turning in a satisfied manner. her fingers gripped the cold brass handle to the door and twisted, letting herself out of the cage and making her way swiftly downstairs.

her mother was standing over a pot, cooking something that made faye's mouth water but she paused at the base of the stairs, watching her mom for a moment and wondering how she had been capable of the openness she had tried to force upon faye in the beginning after her father died. she was always so willing to talk - too willing, in faye's opinion, but any talking about it was too willing. didn't it hurt worse? didn't it make the pain fresher? her brow furrowed, and she continued into the kitchen, sitting down at a bar stool behind her mother. the fortysomething looked over her shoulder with a small smile, then paid attention to the cooking. "you look cute." faye let a short breath pass her lips. her mother was always doing things like that - saying things that, only in the most remote sense, suggested faye wanting to impress chris. she hadn't said it right out, but she had before, and did whenever chris came up in conversation. "what are you cooking?" faye asked quietly, steering the discussion clear of any possible sensitive patches and glancing over to where the front door was. their house was not massive, but not too small, either. it was comfortably enough, and had always been snug. faye thought it had lost the homey feeling because of the emptiness her father's death brought, but her mother was always talking about how lucky they were to keep the house. she cherished the memories of their father - the good ones, naturally, but faye still didn't understand how they could possibly still be good.

"pasta salad." faye nodded despite the fact that her mother's back was to her, and didn't say anything else. just then, the light wood of the front door announced the arrival of the other family, and something tightened in faye's stomach. "would you get that, faye?" faye sighed silently, muttering an affirmation as she slipped off the high chair and padded cautiously towards the front door. faye unlocked and opened it, forcing a small smile onto her lips as chris's mother came into sight. "hi, anna," faye said quietly, moving back to allow her in and looking down to where chris's siblings were - now four, nine, and fourteen. she smiled at them and averted her gaze, looking off to the side and down as they came in the front door, and just as she saw his shadow pass over the threshold, faye dragged her eyes up to his face. he looked the same - just as he usually did, nothing out of the ordinary. the few cuts that had occurred from the night he had fought with that man had disappeared, and faye took a breath. "hey, chris." her voice was so quiet that it dropped to a whisper in places as she closed the door behind him, keeping her face away for a moment as she heard her mother's enthusiastic greeting.

WORDS 9 5 0 TAGGED CHRIS NOTES FINALLY <3 OUTFIT CLICK

TEMPLATE BY WE WERE INFINITE ! OF CAUTION 2.0

[christopher benjamin johnson]

[atrb=valign,top][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellspacing,0,true][atrb=cellpadding,0,true][STYLE=background-color: #fff; padding: 10px; font-family: arial narrow; font-size: 25px; color: #333; line-height: 25px; letter-spacing: -2px; height: 130px; border-right: 5px solid #333;]I CAN BE ANYONE, A STUDY IN IDENTITY & [STYLE=float: left; padding-top: 10px;] [STYLE=background: url(http://i60.photobucket.com/albums/h16/MonishaAyita/bw.jpg); width: 48px; height: 100px; float: right; margin-top: -103px; margin-left: 4px;] [/style][/style][/STYLE][STYLE=background-color: #fff; width: 360px; padding: 10px; font-family: tahoma; font-size: 10px; color: #494949; border-right: 5px solid #333; text-align: justify; padding-top: 0px;] Christopher watched his mother out of the corner of his eye, barely paying attention to the video game on the screen that was causing his nine year old sister to squeal in excitement. He was letting her win, like he usually did, and that allowed him to simultaneously stay aware of the rest of the family. It was a rough day for everyone, especially his older sister and his mother. The three of them remembered Evan, Chris’ dad, much more vividly than his two younger sisters did. Over the past couple of years, Anna had really pulled herself together with help from family. She had rebuilt her life and was even happy with it most of the time. But every year, this day had to come. For days before it hit, there was a dark gloom over the house. Everyone walked on eggshells, trying not to bring up Dad and upset each other. They tried to pretend everything was okay—and for his younger sisters maybe it was. Christopher on the other hand was an emotional roller coaster. One minute he was thinking back on something he and his dad had done together and smiling, and the next, he was sitting at the dinner table trying not to sob into his mother’s meatloaf. His heart ached not only for his own pain but also with the worry that his mom couldn’t handle the sadness. At least the Johnson family always had one thing to look forward to on the anniversary of the death of their head of house. Surprisingly, the annual dinner with the Hanson family tended to bring timid smiles to everyone’s face. Mrs. Hanson was such a nice woman, and listening to her and Anna reminisce about the past and all of the crazy things that their dad used to do with his partner made everything seem a little better. For Chris, the dinner was especially exciting. Every year, despite repeated rejection, Christopher always hoped that this year would be that year that things changed with Faye. The year she would open up a little bit, and they could come to understand one another. Call it childhood infatuation, but Chris could never let go of the idea that he and Faye were meant to be friends, meant to have each other to lean on. She always pushed the young man away, but Chris figured that was just because her pain was too strong to confront, and would could understand that feeling better than he could? What had started as an obsession prompted by grief had morphed slowly over the years into a fascination and idolization of the young woman. She was beautiful, independent, and strong headed. Christopher felt like he would never be good enough for Faye, that they were too different. But even that would never stop him from trying to make her happy, most especially today of all days. Anna set the phone down on the receiver, tears in her eyes but a distant smile on her face. She looked younger than she had in days. Christopher clicked off the TV with a simple flick, ignoring his sister’s indignant cry of protest, as Anna told them to go upstairs and get ready. Chris jumped up and took the stairs three at a time, wishing his older sister was here to help out. He didn’t judge her for choosing to find a summer internship in New York, but it still sucked a little to not have her home. He found his youngest sister playing in her room, and helped dress her in a little sun dress and matching white Mary Jane’s. She was completely oblivious to the thick tension and misery in the house, giggling and asking where they were going. Chris packed her a bag of toys so she could play in the Hanson living room while everyone else talked. Next, he knocked on the room of his two younger sisters, calling out that they needed to be dressed for dinner in fifteen minutes. He could hear his mother downstairs, singing as she put together food to bring over—fried chicken and fresh rolls. Chris smiled. His father had always loved southern food, and hearing Anna singing in the kitchen. Her soft, sweet voice rarely sung out these days. Chris stood in the hallway for a moment, still and quiet. The singing transported him to when he was a little boy. He would stand at the top of the stairs, hiding as he listened to his mother sing. He was convinced she was an angel, sent to them from heaven to take care of them. Evan agreed, laughing and saying that was why she had such a beautiful voice. Evan would throw Chris over his shoulder and pound down the stairs howling, ”Look mother, I’ve found another spy in the stairs, coming to steal all the food you’re cooking!” The girls would stare on in shock and concern while Chris and his father wrestled in the living room, Evan pretending to protect the family meal. Chris shook his head, snapping himself out of the reverie. He sighed and headed to his room, a crowded attic space that he had moved into just after his dad past away. Chris liked the quaint, homey space even though other people thought it was too small and too dark. He pulled on a crisp white linen button up on over his undershirt and watched his reflection in the mirror as he buttoned it up. He reached up and pulled at his hair, willing it to lie flat and behave. With a flash of his green eyes and a tentative smile, he headed back downstairs. His mother would need help getting everyone into the car with the food. Fortunately the drive was short. Chris sat anxiously in the passenger seat, every once in a while looking back at his sisters. They looked solemn and a bit nervous. He tried to smile encouragingly at them. By the time they pulled into the driveway of the Hanson residence, it seemed like everyone let out a sigh of relief. They clambered out, the two oldest girls holding on the food. Anna held the youngest in her arms, the bag of toys slung over her shoulder. Chris felt his heart beating heavily, climbing up into his throat as Anna knocked on the door. It opened and there she was. Chris smiled, his mouth widening more genuinely than it had all day. She looked so beautiful, and was even smiling even though it seemed a tiny bit forced. The Johnsons were welcomed inside, and Chris moved anxiously forward. Anna smiled happily at Faye and glanced back at Chris with a raised eyebrow. She liked to joke that he was as subtle as an elephant when it came to his infatuation with her, though Anna clearly wasn’t sure that Faye was the right girl for him. She worried that Faye was too cold—and maybe she was right. He wondered if anything at all had changed. He thought it might have, given their last encounter, but Chris was wise enough to never pretend he knew what to expect from Faye. He stepped through the threshold, allowing her space to close the door. ”Hey, Chris.” A warmth spread across Chris’ stomach—he couldn’t remember the last time Faye had been the one to initiate a conversation. He smiled warmly at her, ”Hey, Faye. Thanks for having us over.” He watched her, looking for any remaining physical signs of when she was attacked, but their didn’t seem to be any—it was a relief. He hovered close to her, almost hesitantly reaching out for a hug but changing his mind. ”You look really beautiful… that pink color is really nice on you.” Chris blushed—sometimes spending all of his time in a house full of girls made him say odd things. He briefly hugged Faye’s mother, remarking on how nice it was to have them over like this, as if it wasn’t for a particular occasion. The food was set down on the table as everyone gathered around. Chris stood next to Faye, making sure he got a seat next to her, with his four year old sister on the other side. He watched her quietly, not wanting to push her. Immediately their mothers began talking and passing around food. ”So, how’s your summer been?” [/style]

[atrb=valign,top][atrb=style, width: 100px;][STYLE=background-color: #333; padding: 10px; font-family: arial narrow; font-size: 25px; color: #fff; line-height: 25px; letter-spacing: -2px; text-align: center;]ILLUSION[/STYLE][STYLE=background-color: #333; padding-right: 5px; padding-bottom: 5px;][/style]

[STYLE=font-family: courier new; font-size: 10px; text-align: center;]TEMPLATE BY JOHN OF OTE & BTN[/style]

[faye celeste hanson]

SOMEBODY WHO COULD BE STRONG

a last gush of air pushed through the door as she closed it, hitting faye in the face with sweet, cloudy smelling humidity laced with the warmth of summer. as much of a cheerful feeling that it might have elicited from anyone else, faye often found herself wishing for rain. it wasn't a depressing sentiment, just something she preferred. things like that were calming to her. it was one of the few things that she loved without it having any ties to her father. it would bump the ground, line the windows, drip to her skin and her tongue and her hair could stick to her neck - and she didn't have to worry about how she looked or going anywhere. faye could even curl up under blankets with the window thrust open, letting the cool of the falling moisture seep into her room, curling her toes beneath the faux warmth. the rain left her alone - it added to the feeling of solitude, which was something she had come to cherish after all these years. in fact, solitude was the only real way she had learned to function. faye had forgotten what it was like to live any differently.

he had stepped in and seemed to take her greeting for what it was worth - which was quite a bit, actually. it was an odd sensation to her, being friendly to chris. that thought in itself nearly made her chew her cheek in guilt. he had always been the kindest to her, the sweetest, always wanted her to open up to him for nothing other than just to be close to her. a pang of a confusing emotion jolted her for a moment. "hey, faye. thanks for having us over." she suddenly felt like she needed to make up for the last five years by being kind to him as much as possible. "yeah." she said it awkwardly, just able to catch his scent because of the close proximity. faye swallowed and turned her face away, angling her body for a moment. "you look really beautiful... that pink color is really nice on you." that about did it. of course he would. faye turned her face to look back up to him, starting at first with an obstinate glare. but she saw the slight color in his cheeks and the way he seemed embarassed, and all those feelings fell away. it was so confusing to her - he had done those things at least a hundred times in front of her, and she'd never felt the need to go back in time and change her response. "thank you." she barely said it loud enough so that he could hear it over their already chatting mothers, but it was genuine, and her eyes quickly darted away again after. in faye's dreams, she could have the confidence to send a compliment back, but there was no way she would ever be at that point. not now, at least.

the comfortably large group shifted over towards the dinner table. faye hung back by the outer circle, letting everyone pick and choose their seats, and was incredibly aware (more so than usual) of chris's presence. for once, she was patient with everyone, and for some reason actually insisted on waiting until everyone had sat down to get a seat. probably for more than one reason; faye couldn't ignore the slight satisfaction she felt as chris settled in the chair next to her. large bowls were being passed around the table, and faye plucked a strawberry out of a bowl of fruit sitting near her plate. "so, how's your summer been?" faye glanced at the two mothers and chris's siblings. they were all happily occupied, already chatting and laughing and, in the younger case, getting their fingers all dirtied with foods. the sight brought a small smile to her lips, and faye brought her gaze to rest on chris's face again. "um." she brought the tip of the strawberry to her lips, nibbling off the end thoughtfully. faye didn't really want to bring up the issue they'd experienced a while back with her coming home from work. "pretty uneventful. i guess i really didn't do anything special." faye shrugged. "i had actually really meant to get out to the beach more, but i haven't yet." it was true - for some reason, faye had never found time or the energy to get up and take herself to the beach. though it was fairly simple, some days just didn't work out, and it made her feel more desolate than ever to go to the beach alone, with all the children and their happy fathers running around and all the couples... gag. "what about you?" her eyes turned back towards his curiously, pulling a foot up onto the chair as she worked on the strawberry some more.

she was distracted once again by the laughter of his younger siblings, the four year old on chris's other side. a small smile curled her lips. children had always been something she loved, despite her mood or how much solitude she craved. they had so much innocence, it would be wrong to do anything but love them in the way she had been loved. and pray that they would always be loved that way, and not have it snatched from them. she imagined her life - whether she would ever have children. faye wasn't quite sure. as of this moment, there was no way she could ever risk bringing another life into this world with the possibility of the heartbreak she had experienced. faye gave a short chuckle at the young girl's antics, turning her eyes back to the closer chris in front of her. "i keep wondering when she'll ever get annoying. i doubt it will ever happen." faye surprised even herself. she never really talked about her relationships with chris's family, and especially not to chris himself. trying to shrug it off, faye scooped a spoonful of whatever dish was in front of her onto her plate with a creased brow.

WORDS 1 0 1 4 TAGGED CHRIS NOTES WAH CHAYE LUV OUTFIT CLICK

TEMPLATE BY WE WERE INFINITE ! OF CAUTION 2.0