STRANGE ATTACHMENT

[DELORES ELANA TURNER]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=cellspacing,0,true][atrb=style,width: 320px; height: 220px; border-left: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width:100px; height: 220px; border-right: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;][STYLE=font-family: arial narrow; font-size: 30px; line-height: 32px; letter-spacing: -3px;]HONEY TELL ME WHAT I WANT TO HEAR ![/style]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=cellspacing,0,true][atrb=style,width: 320px; height: 220px; border-left: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;][STYLE=font-size: 10px; text-align: justify; text-indent: 50px; padding: 5px; background-color: #f1f1f1;]Delores stood in the corner of a room, thin fingers playing with her cropped hair, thinking about how much it had grown over the past few months. Her right hand had a solo cup in it, the rim marked with her red lipstick smudged across. Her eyes were heavy-lidded as she sullenly stared at the party around her. It was an hour past curfew. The friend she had shown up with was nowhere to be found, leaving Lolita to hope someone would help her get home. More concerning, Lo hadn’t heard from Oliver in quite a few days. He usually emailed her at least once every day, to say hi or tell her something interesting about his day. In typical Lo fashion, she hadn’t emailed him—whatever was going on, he would have to email her first. She could be as stubborn as a mule when she wanted to. Lolita frowned. She felt fuzzy, her head swam in a way that it hadn’t in a long, long time. Lo wasn’t really one to drink. She only ever did it to piss off Oliver when he was out of control. Tonight was an exception. Lo leaned heavily against the wall, letting her empty cup drop to her feet. She was feeling particularly petulant but had no one to take it out on—she knew everyone in the crowd but none of them well enough to vent to them. She sighed and looked around, trying to figure out what her next move should be. At this point, the young woman seriously considered going upstairs and passing out in one of the many beds—she was at a mansion of one of her fellow preps and figured they wouldn’t really care. Tomorrow she would just let her parents know that she fell asleep and didn’t want her friend to drive half-awake. It wasn’t a complete lie. God would forgive her, she was sure of it. Lo pushed off of the back wall and walked lazily through the crowd, shouldering her way past drunk girls and laughing bros towards the stairs. The hem of her skirt swished against her smooth legs, and she teetered only slightly in the study high heels she had on. It was warm—far too warm—in the hallway, so Lolita thought she would get upstairs as fast as she could, away from the noise and the chaos. She practically jogged towards the stairs, taking them two at a time as the room spun around her. She brought one hand to her head, pushing bangs out of her face as she reached the top. A figure standing on the landing made her pause. For a moment Lolita thought her head was messing with her. Was she more drunk then she thought? Lo shook her head, eyebrows knitting together on her forehead. There was no way. Matthew was out of town. He was interning for his father or something like that. She shook her head again. He was still there, standing in the crowd laughing at a joke or something. She pushed her way through until she was right in front of him. Her eyes weren’t lying. ”M-matthew? What are you doing here?” She frowned, trying to seem sober. Matt didn’t really like drunken people. ”Matt… I thought you were out of town…” Exhausted, Lo leaned forward and rested her head on Matt’s chest. [/style]

[atrb=valign,top][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width:100px; height: 220px; border-right: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;][STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]WORDS: 563[/style] [STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]TAGS: MATT[/style] [STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]NOTES: SO EXCITED ![/style] [STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]CREDIT: BY RIMY FROM BTN! [/style]

[Matthew James Collins]

.

you that i needed all along,

lo was drunk. matt didn't need to look at her to know he was right. he was surprised by the instant anger that took over him. he wanted to punch someone but more specifically, oliver. who else would have provided her with the great example that alcohol solves everything? who else had been out of touch for days before letting them know he might not be coming back? did she know? he tried to search her eyes for the answer but her head was rested on his chest and he found that he liked having it there. this thought would have usually scared him, sending him in panicky movements accompanied by rude words but he was too upset to fall back into his commitment issues. why had he been staying away from her all this time? he was trying so hard to let her be with someone who wouldn't hurt her and now it seemed like he was the safe one. he had trouble recognizing what his feelings were but at least now he knew he had something, even if he didn't quite know how to explain it.

"come on virgin bits, let's get you some water." it took a lot for him to act like nothing was wrong. all he wanted to do was shake her sober and make her promise never to drink again but he knew it would be useless. he recalled his own mothers vacant stare when he exploded in her face, accusing her of being a terrible mother. he didn't think he could handle being looked at that way from lo. he took her hand and led her through many corridors, avoiding her question on purpose. what was he doing here? well, he knew what he was doing back in maryland (he was supposed to be working for his dad the whole summer) but what he didn't know what why he'd decided to go to a party, especially since he had been avoiding lo almost as much as he was avoiding answering that question. they had left off on pretty rocky terms but that wasn't why he turned around and ran the opposite direction whenever he thought he saw her. no, it was because of that something.

he had learned about that something when he realized that he wanted lo but not in the way he'd always wanted her. he wanted to be that guy. the one she looked up to and wanted to be around, maybe not necessarily a relationship but something. and as long as that something wasn't sex, he stayed away. nothing good ever came out of that stuff. especially since she was dating his best friend. as for her question, he had answered it plenty of times. the generic answers were my dad is a tool. and i'm not cut out for working. but the truth was far too complicated for him to admit. it was a tangled mess of many circumstances that had led him to the bus back home without telling a soul.

the furious boy stopped at the kitchen for a bottle of water and then continued on his way. he tried not to think about how soft lolita's hand was, and kept his mind busy by picturing every girl around them that wasn't lo naked. then he ended up in an empty room. he didn't want people to get the wrong impression but she needed to sober up. if he took her home in her current state her father would have probably killed both of them. he sat at the edge of the bed and patted the spot next to him as an invitation. "you okay?" she obviously wasn't but he couldn't think of anything else to say and sitting in silence didn't seem like an option at the time.

[DELORES ELANA TURNER]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=cellspacing,0,true][atrb=style,width: 320px; height: 220px; border-left: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width:100px; height: 220px; border-right: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;][STYLE=font-family: arial narrow; font-size: 30px; line-height: 32px; letter-spacing: -3px;]HONEY TELL ME WHAT I WANT TO HEAR ![/style]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=cellspacing,0,true][atrb=style,width: 320px; height: 220px; border-left: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;][STYLE=font-size: 10px; text-align: justify; text-indent: 50px; padding: 5px; background-color: #f1f1f1;] ”Come on virgin bits, let’s get you some water.” Lo pouted, not wanting to move from her comfortable stance of leaning against him. She was a bit surprised that he wasn’t yelling at her. It wasn’t the first time Matt had seen Lolita drunk. A few times he had picked her up after a particularly rough night with Oliver, and those times he had always chastised her for drinking. Now he seemed surprisingly calm. Lo grabbed on to his hand as he pulled her along, letting everything around them blur past her. She held on tightly, occasionally reaching up with her other hand as well, just in case. For some reason the young woman had the flitting feeling that if she didn’t hold on to Matt’s hand as tight as she could, she would float away. She would float up above the party-goers and simply cease to exist. The thought scared her—not because she was scared of going away but because she was scared of leaving Matt behind. Lolita knew she should be mad at Matthew. The last time they had spoken had been a huge fight, one of their worst, before he had gone off to wherever with his father. About Charlie. Charlie and the… things… he had done with her. Lo knew that if she wasn’t drunk she would be furious at him still, but right now she just didn’t have the energy. Besides, he could be fairly angry with her for being so drunk, but he hadn’t taken it out on her yet. Better to figure out why he was here than to start another fight. So Lo silently watched Matt grab a water bottle, and didn’t make a peep as he took her into an empty bedroom. She looked over her shoulder as they slid inside, practically daring anyone to assume that something risky was going on. Even in her drunkest—or perhaps especially in her drunkest—state, Lo knew how to stir the pot and get people thinking just enough without actually incriminating herself. She loved when people got the wrong impression. The door snapped shut behind her. She leaned against it, Staring at Matt with heavily-lidded eyes, watching him with a look that was something akin to a snake watching a bird. What would people on the other side of the door think? Would they think that she was sleeping with Matt? Maybe as revenge for Oliver going off to the other side of the world with Charlie. It still made her skin crawl, imagining the two of them having all sorts of adventures together. Lolita big her lip. ”Are you okay? What a silly question. Obviously not. The young woman took a few slinky steps forward and tossed herself on the bed, laying on her bad. ”No. She replied petulantly. ”Oliver has completely forgotten me. He’s probably fucking Charlie right now.” The curse slid off her tongue like sweet, forbidden candy. What was it about her friendship with Matt that made Lo forget her manners? She never ever swore. ”What are you doing here anyways? This summer has been miserable without you. You all left me all alone.” It was a bit of an exaggeration—Lo had a fair number of friends within the preps, and summer had only been about two weeks. She sighed and sat up, holding her hand out for the bottle of water. ”Don’t say it, okay? No one can make me feel as bad about drinking as the Lord already is. I shouldn’t have even come to this stupid party. I walked right into temptation.” She looked over at Matt, then smiled a little. ”But maybe it was worth it. I’m glad we ran into each other. I missed you!” [/style]

[atrb=valign,top][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width:100px; height: 220px; border-right: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;][STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]WORDS: 701[/style] [STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]TAGS: matthew[/style] [STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]NOTES: bitch cray[/style] [STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]CREDIT: BY RIMY FROM BTN! [/style]

[Matthew James Collins]

.

you that i needed all along,

matt watched wide-eyed as lo draped herself on the bed and said a few interesting words. ”no. oliver has completely forgotten me. he’s probably fucking charlie right now.” this wasn't the girl he knew, it was a bitter shadow of her. instead of the language amusing him and replying with a smirk and a witty retort, he fumed silently. hadn't he told her? why tell matt and not his own girlfriend? was it because what lo was saying was true? oliver had been so distant, it wasn't that out of the realm of possibilities that something had gone on between him and charlie anymore. matt had denied it before, knowing oliver's loyalty was one of his biggest traits but now he wasn't so sure. charlie had a way of sneaking her way into people's hearts and trapping them when they least expected it. he should know. he could picture it perfectly and his hands turned into fists. whatever he had been thinking about lo, it had never really compared to how he felt about charlie. him and charlie shared a history. so what if she never wanted more than sex from him? she had been everything at one point and oliver knew that. the image of betrayal stuck in his head as if had already occurred. he found it easy to make assumptions with them so far away. lo didn't deserve that. maybe matt was a womanizing jerk but at least he would have... who was he kidding? he was not any better but in that moment, he was there which was a lot more than he could say for oliver.

he couldn't think of anything to say but as it turned out, he didn't have to. she repeated a question, the one he had avoided. but she had added in more, a tiny part that would have seemed meaningless. however, matt had been a girl expert for a couple of years now (or at least he thought he was). he had learned to read in between the lines, which was something that all girls expected and most guys couldn't do. lo's question translated from what are you doing here? to why didn't you tell me you were back?. she wanted comfort and he didn't blame her despite not really being a comforting type of guy. he tried to make light of the situation but she spoke again before he could say anything. ”don’t say it, okay? no one can make me feel as bad about drinking as the lord already is." he snorted but let her continue. "i shouldn’t have even come to this stupid party. i walked right into temptation." he laid back next to her, trying not to fall into his own form of temptation but wondering if there was even a point in resisting anymore. "but maybe it was worth it. i’m glad we ran into each other. i missed you!" he couldn't help but smile despite the underlying turmoil. "oh, really, sweetheart? and why's that?"

matt knew that was dangerous territory but was it really so bad? before everything he used to tease her about even worse things. he tried not to think about the fact that before everything all he wanted from her was sex. not that he didn't want that anymore. he was all too conscious of how close their bodies were. he swore he could feel warmth coming from her, inviting and pleasant. had it been anyone else, he would have probably tried to get lucky and he would have probably succeeded considering how easily drunk girls removed their clothes. however, had it been anyone else he probably wouldn't have wanted to as much.

"you know, you really shouldn't drink." he turned on his side and pushed back a stray strand of her hair behind her ear. her hair was getting longer. he wondered why he hadn't noticed before. it was only a moment but in it, he captured bits of her and locked them away in his memory. it was one of those random moments where nothing particularly special was going on, yet he knew he'd never be able to forget it. her sleepy eyes, longer tresses, and slightly upturned nose, the way the room smelled like nature but she brought a trace of sweetness to it mixed with alcohol, and the way his heart felt like it might jump out of his chest and beat away from him. "i know you love him and everything but maybe it's time to move on." he said, aware that she would know who him was without him having to say his name. he hated this. he trusted oliver. maybe out of all of the people in his life, oliver was the only one he felt would never let him down. but he had. he had let them both down.

[DELORES ELANA TURNER]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=cellspacing,0,true][atrb=style,width: 320px; height: 220px; border-left: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width:100px; height: 220px; border-right: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;][STYLE=font-family: arial narrow; font-size: 30px; line-height: 32px; letter-spacing: -3px;]HONEY TELL ME WHAT I WANT TO HEAR ![/style]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=cellspacing,0,true][atrb=style,width: 320px; height: 220px; border-left: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;][STYLE=font-size: 10px; text-align: justify; text-indent: 50px; padding: 5px; background-color: #f1f1f1;] Lolita could see it clearly—Charlie luring Oliver into her trap. Especially considering how easy it was to get alcohol in Europe. She probably had him wrapped around her skanky little finger. Lo wished she had thrown more of a fit when Oliver had declared he was doing a student exchange program, but she honestly thought it would be good for them. Space, or something like that. Now she realized she had just given her boyfriend the perfect opportunity to realize how much more other girls would give him than she would. Of course, these were all assumptions. But Lolita knew in her gut that something was wrong. That there was a tipping point in all of her relationships and maybe this moment right now was it. Or maybe that was the vodka talking. In any case, all that Lo knew was that she hadn’t been this close to a member of the opposite sex in a long time, and it felt good to feel comforted and cared for. Even though Matt wasn’t the most open guy, she always knew that she could lean on him. He was always a surprisingly stable outlet of support. Matt was being suspiciously quiet. Of course, he always backed off on the flirting and teasing just when Lo needed the ego boost the most. Sure when she was annoyed and busy he loved to waste her time with pointless flirting and generally inappropriate behavior. But with Lo he always backed off when she really would have appreciated a compliment. It was like he knew when it would be too real. Maybe because it was all a joke to him and he wasn’t really attracted to her at all. Even though Lo always liked to brush off his advances, their existence was comforting within itself. Finally he spoke up, ”Really sweetheart? And why’s that?” Lo grinned cheekily. That was more like it. ”I am not your sweetheart, mister. And I missed you because you’re the only one who treats me like a normal person.” It was a bold statement that never would have come out of Lolita’s mouth normally, but she felt particularly honest tonight. Matt was the only one who acted the same towards her as he did towards everyone else, and she appreciated that. Lo felt Matt turn towards her and she did the same, smiling at him. She stomach fluttered ever so slightly when he reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, and it was endearing enough that Lo didn’t even pout about his comment in regards to her drinking. She bit her lip, watching him watch her, wishing that she knew what was going on inside his head. Why Matt? Of all the people to be attracted to, he was the worst. He would never want to be in a relationship with her, never want to take things slow. As exciting as the idea his fast pace was to her, Lo knew she couldn’t give into it. At the end of the day that wasn’t who she was. Still, his blue eyes drew her in and his warm hands made her want to snuggle against him. It felt good to be taken care of, for someone who always was taking care of everyone else. The young woman bit her lip, feeling the tension creep up in the air and not wanting to let it slip away. They had been in the place before. Almost moments. Moments where something could have happened but never did. How did they keep ending up in this place? ”I know you love him and everything but maybe it’s time to move on.” Lo stared at him with wide eyes, mouth slightly open. She had held on to the idea that Oliver was the boy for her so long that she had stopped questioning their relationship long ago. She slid up closer to Matt, craving warmth and attention. She searched his face. They were best friends, why would he want her to break up with his best friend? Unless he truly thought it was the right thing to do. Whispering, Lo responded, ”I’m afraid of being alone… [/style]

[atrb=valign,top][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width:100px; height: 220px; border-right: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;][STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]WORDS: 694[/style] [STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]TAGS: matthew[/style] [STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]NOTES: bitch cray[/style] [STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]CREDIT: BY RIMY FROM BTN! [/style]

[Matthew James Collins]

.

you that i needed all along,

the spark in lo was back as soon as he called her sweetheart. he tried to take it as a sign, go for it, but he knew too much about girls to not realize that all of them blossomed at the slightest hint of a compliment, even if it wasn't wanted. she proved him right as she fought back. "i am not your sweetheart, mister. and i missed you because you’re the only one who treats me like a normal person." despite everything, he had to laugh at that one. lo? wanting to be treated like a normal person? yeah, right. she loved being different, he could tell. she liked having the power of being pure and untouchable and holding it over everyone's head. it was like she thought she was better than everyone. which in a way, she was. he voiced his opinion through his laughter. "you love special treatment, you're like the queen of it." the amused boy got a bit closer to her and mouthed the words in an exaggerated way. love it.

then he shook his head playfully. matt hadn't realized he treated her like a normal person. especially since she wasn't a normal person in his eyes. if she had been an ordinary girl, she would have been screaming and undressed right about now. however, he kept this to himself, thinking it wouldn't go over very well. what was wrong with him? usually people had to kick him once so that he'd open his mouth and then about a thousand times more to get him to shut up. so why keep this from her? it was mindless and stupid and she probably knew it already. maybe it was because he was avoiding that something but it could have also been because he wanted to keep that. he wanted to be that guy in her eyes, the one who treated her just as he would other people. but it wasn't anywhere near true. towards others, he simply didn't give a damn. he wasn't the kind of person she'd be proud of. not like oliver. except for now, things were so screwed up. but even if by some crazy chance lo decided to be with matt, he still felt like he'd never measure up. he'd never be agreeable or gentlemanly, not really. he could put up an act but he didn't want to be that matt if he was dating lo. he didn't want to bring out his good guy mask (the one he used to get girls in bed) around her, he wanted to be him and he wanted her to like it.

anything else, hot stuff?

lo's eyes were wide and her lips had parted at his comment. it had been so out of line, what was he thinking? this wasn't his place. but he didn't really feel that bad. a sick little part of him was a pleased with her reaction. maybe they would break up. then she would be single. he didn't know where these thoughts were coming from. it wasn't like he'd swoop in to be her new boyfriend and it wasn't like she'd let him anyway. but still, it was a sliver of hope and it tasted a lot like coffee, giving his heart a nice kick and filling his insides with adrenaline. "’m afraid of being alone…" was she crazy? no, she was drunk. as soon as he remembered, the hope was gone. out as quickly as it had come. these were just the ramblings of a sad drunken woman, interesting yet lacking any real credibility. "that would never happen." he didn't know why he bothered replying honestly, maybe it encouraged him to know that she probably wouldn't remember any of this in the morning. "you've got me."

[DELORES ELANA TURNER]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=cellspacing,0,true][atrb=style,width: 320px; height: 220px; border-left: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width:100px; height: 220px; border-right: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;][STYLE=font-family: arial narrow; font-size: 30px; line-height: 32px; letter-spacing: -3px;]HONEY TELL ME WHAT I WANT TO HEAR ![/style]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=cellspacing,0,true][atrb=style,width: 320px; height: 220px; border-left: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;][STYLE=font-size: 10px; text-align: justify; text-indent: 50px; padding: 5px; background-color: #f1f1f1;] ”You love special treatment, you’re like the queen of it.” Lolita liked to pretend that she wanted to be treated normally, and she liked to think that everyone bought it. Of course if anyone realized that she secretly liked to be treated specially, it would be Matt. He always saw through her bullshit. A shiver ran down Lo’s back when Matt mouthed love it. Having him so close, breathing against her skin, felt amazing right in that moment. Lo closed her eyes and laughed breathlessly, trying to remind herself that this situation was all just the combination of timing and alcohol, and that she still had a boyfriend even though he really wasn’t available at the moment. She took a deep breath, taking in Matt’s smell of men’s soap and the hazy smell of smoke from the party that was still pounding around them. It was so funny how two people could be in a house full of hundreds of teenagers and still feel like they were the only two people around by closing themselves off in a bedroom. Lolita opened her eyes, staring at Matt. This whole situation was really wrong, if she thought about it too deeply. But at the moment all the young woman could think about was how right and comfortable everything felt, the two of them laying in this bed and nearly touching. She wanted to move in and bridge that gap, close the space between them and cross a boundary that had always been out of reach. Doesn’t every good girl want to cross the line and feel reckless every once in a while? Still… it was more than that. Matt was more than that, more than just a line to cross. That was what made Lo hesitate, the fear that breaking this boundary with him would open a pandora’s box of emotions and complications that would never end well. Matt would never want to be the boyfriend of the little church girl, waiting till marriage and attending youth group three times a week. He would always want to be able to have other girls to sleep with and parties to go. At the end of the day he wasn’t really interested in her. Lo searched his face, trying not to space out into her own thoughts. He wasn’t, was he? Surely… The fact that he always been out of his way to comfort her was irrelevant, he had a soft spot for the girl but it was mostly platonic. Any sexual desire would immediately be sated when he got what he wanted from her. Blinking heavily, Lo focused on Matt’s words, looking him in the eye with a soft, delicate frown on her features. ”That would never happen.” Her eyebrows came together, and she opened her mouth to protest but he didn’t give her the chance. ”You’ve got me.” Immediately her heart rate picked up, eyes widening in surprise. She searched his face for any hint of sarcasm or teasing but it wasn’t there. Matt wasn’t usually this serious. She whispered back to him in awe, ”I do?” The idea was startling and confusing, what exactly did she get from him? Companionship? Friendship? Love? Before the brunette could over think all of the emotions that were coming over her, she leaned in, finally crossing that boundary. Closing the gap. Her lips brushed against his, softly at first, nervously. It had been months since she’d kissed anyone, and the only lips she’d ever kissed had been Oliver’s. It was like tasting just one piece of candy, when you’d been on a diet for so long. Quickly she moved in closer, one hand coming up to brush against the side of Matt’s face as her eyelids fluttered shut. He tasted so good, so right and natural and comforting. Before she knew what was happening, Lo was kissing Matt deeply, heart hammering in her chest. She didn’t think about what it meant, or what he would think, or if he even wanted this. She only prayed he would kiss her back. [/style]

[atrb=valign,top][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width:100px; height: 220px; border-right: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;][STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]WORDS: 708[/style] [STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]TAGS: matthew[/style] [STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]NOTES: omg[/style] [STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]CREDIT: BY RIMY FROM BTN! [/style]

[Matthew James Collins]

.

you that i needed all along,

something. matt had been wrong. it wasn't just something, it was everything. the entire universe went up in flames right there in just a kiss. he felt the coldness of her lips press against his and at first he couldn't move, it was a stunned motionless reaction that occurred only in his mind. he couldn't even process what was happening, it was like his mind had gone haywire, incapable of coherent thought, hazy with confusion and traces of buried lust. he was a statue on the outside, firm and completely still. his toes were the only thing that had moved, they had curled but were concealed inside his shoes. on the inside, he was chaos. snippets of her kiss would tumble into his mind, capturing the essence without the whole. all he knew is that he didn't want it to end but he pulled away, his only visible reaction after her lips had came into contact with his. lo was drunk.

matt didn't need to look at her to know he was right. the boy could taste it on his lips. he was impressed by the instant anger that took over him. he wanted to punch someone but more specifically, oliver. it was his fault she was like this. matt's lips were still tingling as he searched her features, in actual physical pain by how much he wanted her. he'd never wanted anything so badly in his life. stupid. because of oliver, she wouldn't remember any of this tomorrow.

no
no
no.

she would. she would because he would give her something to remember. determined and with nothing to lose, he went after what he wanted, everything went out the door. there was nothing left but a mixture of ambition, primal instincts, and passion. he crashed his lips against hers frantically, his hands pulling her closer until they were pressed together. he'd never been so heated, every muscle in his body was on fire, provoked and begging for more. his fingers traced rushed figures on the bare part of her back as he nipped at her lower lip with a burning sense of urgency. this might have been the only time he'd have this. matt couldn't handle it. he rolled around, his lips temporarily left hers and grazed her neck, lifting her so she was on top of him. it sent his nerve endings into a rabid frenzy. every inch of his skin was electrified. his hands got tangled in her hair and he spun so that he was now over her, pressing on. it was a craving, he wanted her so much closer. this was the girl who would smirk before turning him down. this was the girl who knew him better than almost anyone. this was the girl who argued and didn't let anyone push her around. this was the girl he could never stay mad at, the one he could never figure out, the one who never left his mind. she was everything.

lo had been there for him through everything. she saw everything differently and made him question things. she was the one who made him think, laugh and stress. she was the only one he'd been hoping to see after the fiasco with his dad. his lips were still on hers, colliding with insatiable force but he willed them to part so he could answer her question. he looked directly in her eyes, trying not to get caught in them but at the same time demanding her to listen, to capture his words and this moment and keep them until she was sober. "you do."

his words were breathy, they made him realize he was almost panting. they also made him realize that he needed to slow down. he fixed her hair a bit and grinned, the smile of a lottery winner. the doubt and guilt was gone, replaced by a comforting thought. this was lolita, everything he wanted. "you're a good kisser, virgin bits."

[DELORES ELANA TURNER]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=cellspacing,0,true][atrb=style,width: 320px; height: 220px; border-left: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width:100px; height: 220px; border-right: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;][STYLE=font-family: arial narrow; font-size: 30px; line-height: 32px; letter-spacing: -3px;]HONEY TELL ME WHAT I WANT TO HEAR ![/style]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=cellspacing,0,true][atrb=style,width: 320px; height: 220px; border-left: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;][STYLE=font-size: 10px; text-align: justify; text-indent: 50px; padding: 5px; background-color: #f1f1f1;]He was so still at first, so stiff against her and unresponsive. Her hands shook nervously, horrified that he would pull away, reject her flat out. Would he laugh in her face, for thinking that he would really want to make out with her? The idea itself made her tremble, tense at the idea of being humiliated in what was already a particularly vulnerable situation. And then he pulled away. In that moment, Lolita couldn’t imagine a time when she’d been more desperately disappointed or utterly ashamed. Her heart sunk painful into her stomach as she avoided looking into Matt’s eyes. He would probably think this whole situation was hilarious. Tell all his friends that Virgin Bits thought she was attractive enough to interest him. A blush spread across her cheeks; how naïve could she really have been to think that this would end well? Lo had just been about to open her mouth—having no idea what she was going to say. She would apologize or laugh it off or blame it on her missing Oliver. Anything to diffuse the tension from these few painful seconds stretching between them. Then suddenly, as soon as it had ended, it wasn’t over anymore. His lips pushed against her, sweet and soft but forceful. His hands, large and strong, puller her body towards his in a way that set Lo’s entire body on fire. As he pulled her on top of him, Lolita felt herself giving into instincts that she had always carefully avoided in the past—her dress hitched up as her hips rolled forcefully against Matt’s. Her heart, uplifted, hammered passionately against her ribcage. If she had taken any time to analyze the feelings moving through her limbs right at that moment, Lo would admit she’d never felt anything like it. But all her thoughts consisted of right now were the heat between her legs, the way her skin felt against his, and his lips clashing up against hers. As he moved them again, pressing himself on top of her, Lo found herself letting a soft moan escape between her cherry lips—a sound that she had never heard herself make. Matt was driving her crazy, sending her to places that she’d never dared to think about before. She felt things she’d only ever felt alone, in her bedroom by herself. The guilt that usually plagued those solitary sessions seemed to be absent here. Her whole body was shaking, overwhelmed with feeling by the time he pulled away. She arched underneath him, not wanting that fleeting feeling of raw sensuality to slip away. Lo’s eyes fluttered open, staring at Matt with brilliant intensity. In this moment she really didn’t feel drunk, didn’t feel reckless. She felt electrified. Her face reflected surprise, discovery, and excitement. When Matt said, ”You do,” Lo had to momentarily focus to remember what he was responding to. She smiled, biting her lip shyly. Her face felt hot, her dress twisted and probably with the hem up high then she could think about at the moment. The young woman was at a loss for words. ”You’re a good kisser, virgin bits.” Lo laughed, a tinkling noise. ”Yeah well, so are you. I’m not entirely surprised.” She brought her hand up to gently caress the back of his neck, staring serenely. ”So… what now?” Her tone was slightly challenging, and genuinely curious. [/style]

[atrb=valign,top][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width:100px; height: 220px; border-right: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;][STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]WORDS: 625[/style] [STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]TAGS: MATT[/style] [STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]NOTES: OH MY GOD ![/style] [STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]CREDIT: BY RIMY FROM BTN! [/style]

[Matthew James Collins]

.

you that i needed all along,

those few moments had transformed lo into someone totally different. she was no longer drunk or naive, she was alive, wild and yet somehow still managed to be sweet. he looked down and her face said it all, flushing in front of his eyes. it sent him spinning once again. "yeah well, so are you. i’m not entirely surprised." he laughed, grateful for the light mood. it occurred to him that she could have felt bad and thrown a fit. her actual reaction made everything a hundred times better, if that was even possible. "yeah well, practice makes perfect, baby." he said planting a loud peck on her forehead. that made him wonder how she'd been so impossibly amazing. oliver? the thought bothered him so he chased it away as she reached up, lightly touching the back of his neck. her eyes lured him in, unraveling each part of him and setting it free.

"so... what now?" the question set reality back into motion. she was oliver's. even if he lived in another country and even if he was fooling around with charlie, right now she was still his girlfriend. not matt's. that was the first thing. then came his own personal issues. talking about feelings was never something he'd been good at. he refused to admit his current epiphany. he refused to say that four letter word that always managed to screw things up for him. why did lo have to go and make everything so complicated? but deep down he knew it wasn't her fault. not because she had asked the question or even because she had kissed him. those things had to have happened sooner or later, right? it was him who was the complicated one. not oliver, but matt. he knew he'd screw it up but wasn't selfless enough to say it out loud. instead, he decided to leave everything up to her. and after that kiss he was feeling pretty confident.

"well, we could always make out again." he joked, tiny wrinkles taking place at the edges of his eyes. "but seriously, whatever you want. if you want to pretend it never happened," he struggled to get the next part out. "i'll do it." he tried to pause but didn't want to give her time to consider that option so he continued. "but if you want more... i mean, anything. i'll do it for you." how cheesy was that? he hadn't meant to say something so puke-inducing. after taking a beat to think about it, he made a face, recognizing that although his words were true, they also made him sound like the protagonist to a corny romantic comedy and that it was definitely not what he was going for. so what was he going for? just like before the frantic encounter of their lips, he was determined. he was going for the girl.

"yeah, that was lame." matt said lightly, worried that she was freaked out by how almost oliver-like he had sounded. "but what is it that you want, anyway?" just like lo's, his tone was challenging and curious. he had never wanted so many things at once. there were piles of unanswered questions he wanted to know the answers to, but he also didn't. he only wanted to know the answers if they matched up with his, with what he wanted. so before he could stop himself, he dropped the bomb he'd been holding all night, using it as ammunition to get what he wanted. "oliver's not coming back."

[DELORES ELANA TURNER]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=cellspacing,0,true][atrb=style,width: 320px; height: 220px; border-left: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width:100px; height: 220px; border-right: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;][STYLE=font-family: arial narrow; font-size: 30px; line-height: 32px; letter-spacing: -3px;]HONEY TELL ME WHAT I WANT TO HEAR ![/style]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=cellspacing,0,true][atrb=style,width: 320px; height: 220px; border-left: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;][STYLE=font-size: 10px; text-align: justify; text-indent: 50px; padding: 5px; background-color: #f1f1f1;] Lo realized that what she was doing was wrong. No matter what way she spun it, no matter how angry she was with Oliver, this wasn’t okay. She wasn’t mean to be underneath Matt Collins, her legs wrapped around his torso and her fingers entwined in his hair. Everything she believed in dictated that she should be faithful to Oliver no matter what. Her head was spinning, somewhere in the back a voice was telling her that she should run out of this room and as far away from this boy as humanly possible. Just as she was about to start feeling anxious and guilty, Matt called her baby, the word slipping out off of his tongue with such ease and charm. Lo grinned brightly, squirming with delight at the pet name. She never could have imagined the young man kissing her on the forehead in such an endearing manner. This Matt was entirely different from what she was used to, and witnessing such behavior set a spark in her mind about what it could be like for him to care about her. Is this what it could be like if they were together? It was a crazy question but at this point hard to ignore. Lolita didn’t feel very drunk anymore—the fuzzy feeling was only a whisper now, rather than an overwhelming sensation. She laughed, but really didn’t at all mind the idea of making out more. It felt so nice and pleasant to be wanted—desired. His following speech left her a bit speechless. Who was this person? This person who asked what she wanted and seemed to want to respect her decisions. Just when she wanted someone who would take control, tell her what to do, the most likely candidate turned into a jellyfish. Lo huffed, rolling her eyes. At least he seemed almost as perturbed by his little speech as she was. Suddenly irritated, Lo failingly attempted to push Matt off of her. ”If I wanted to make out with someone who never asserted himself, I’d just wait for Oliver to come home.” The young woman may not have known what she wanted, but she knew that she didn’t want more of the same crap she’d put up with for the past year. A guy who could never make a decision, allowed her to boss him around, a guy who got drunk all the time and didn’t even seem to realize it was a problem. She wanted someone who wasn’t afraid of her; afraid to piss her off or to tell her what was what. Maybe that was part of what always drew Lolita to Matt—he certainly wasn’t afraid to tell her like it was. Until now, it seemed. ”But what is it that you want, anyway?” Lo frowned. She knew what she didn’t want, but not really what she did want. Normally Lo turned to God when she wanted to know what to do, but tonight it seemed like a bad time to call upon his guidance. She was a lamb astray from the herd. Before she could mull out an answer, Matt continued, ”Oliver’s not coming back.” and Lo’s entire world came crashing down around her. Her face went from bright and flushed to pale and serious within seconds. She pushed Matt away from her angrily, sitting up and staring at him with wide eyes. ”What the heck do you mean, he’s not coming back?” She stared at Matt, not understanding what he could possibly mean. Oli’s program should be just ending, how could he possibly not come home? Was that why he had been avoiding talking to her the past few days? Because he’d decided that everything he had here in Ocean City wasn’t good enough anymore? Lo stood up, glaring at Matt. Really, she wanted to cry, wanted him to hold her and tell her that it was going to be okay. But she couldn’t show that at the moment, so all she could do was glare at him and demand answers. Her mind was going a mile a minute; thinking about all the reasons Oliver might not come back. She knew she hadn’t been the greatest girlfriend—she could be demanding, unsupportive, stubborn, argumentative. But didn’t he love her? [/style]

[atrb=valign,top][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width:100px; height: 220px; border-right: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;][STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]WORDS: 701[/style] [STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]TAGS: matthew[/style] [STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]NOTES: bitch cray[/style] [STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]CREDIT: BY RIMY FROM BTN! [/style]

[Matthew James Collins]

.

you that i needed all along,

when did everything change? one day matt was making fun of her height and innocence and now here he was biting his tongue, bursting with the need to say words he forbid himself to even think about. it was a whim, a quirk, a passing fad; it had to be. the more he tried to convince himself the more confused the boy became. there was so much to think about and all he wanted to do was turn it off and make it go away. it had been natural for him the way their bodies had worked together in a simple meeting of their lips. there had been no second thoughts, only delight and that overpowering desire. there was something so triumphant about that moment. after all the dancing around, the games, the teasing, there had been this perfect moment. but then there was the other side of the coin, the dark rusty spots he tried hard to ignore. that grin, that look, that kiss, it was all eating at him. it was killing him because now he couldn't stop thinking about oliver and how this would destroy him if he found out. the guilt was very minimal but it was definitely there, hiding in between his selfish thoughts and plethora of excuses.

lolita seemed to take his sincere words in the exact way he'd been hoping she wouldn't. "if i wanted to make out with someone who never asserted himself, i'd just wait for oliver to come home." it hurt. he grinned. "i guess you'll just have to make do, darling." he said, hovering over her lips with his own. however, he was cautious that they wouldn't meet. this girl wasn't used to lust or anything he'd been so familiar with since freshman year. that's what she had liked, what she wanted from him, right? he didn't know whether to work it to his advantage or to turn the tables and leave her wanting more. he didn't want another charlie episode. yeah, he was good at pleasure and he knew his way around a girl. but he also knew that that was as far as it ever went with girls. well, the girls he liked, anyway. feelings were dangerous. they were silent time bombs ticking away until he wasn't able to handle himself. boom. then he'd be alone.

that's why he avoided them. however, unlike the plague, he couldn't hide or keep himself quarantined. the restless boy had tried and look at how that had ended up. he'd gone crazy and crashed a lame party only to find the exact woman he'd been avoiding. and he didn't only find her, he'd taken her into a room and made her moan a little. he was quite proud of that part, actually.

she frowned when he asked her what she wanted. he took it as a bad sign. how could she expect him to be assertive when she had no idea? did she? matt couldn't stop himself before wondering. would it be the same if she knew? did she know that his heart was begging to beat closer to hers and that he desperately wanted to be wanted? that's when he dropped the bomb, not the silent one containing all his screwed up emotions, but the one he'd conceived as a weapon. and her response was equally deadly. "what the heck do you mean, he’s not coming back?"

the amount of anger in her eyes told him everything. it was oliver. it always had been. he tried to take it back to somehow swallow his words and walk out the door but it was impossible. he was too rotten, too jealous, to fixated on the girl who had just shoved him away. the guilt seemed to conveniently disappear as soon as he caught a glimpse of the glare she was shooting in his direction. "since when is this my fault, huh?" he hadn't meant to raise his voice but the gruff tones had taken over the entire room. "your sucky boyfriend decides to move to a different country and you blame me? really?" the words were just coming out now and he felt out of control, like everything he'd been holding back was about to spill. he didn't think about the mess it could cause or if she'd even listen. it just left his mouth in a torrent of angst. he lowered his voice. "i've done nothing but be here for you, lo." he didn't know it until he realized that what he was saying was true, at some level anyway. "and you can't see it." he shook his head absentmindedly. "you can't even see that i-" just in time, coherent thought had come back in, stopping him from finishing the destructive phrase. "want you."

[DELORES ELANA TURNER]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=cellspacing,0,true][atrb=style,width: 320px; height: 220px; border-left: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width:100px; height: 220px; border-right: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;][STYLE=font-family: arial narrow; font-size: 30px; line-height: 32px; letter-spacing: -3px;]HONEY TELL ME WHAT I WANT TO HEAR ![/style]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=cellspacing,0,true][atrb=style,width: 320px; height: 220px; border-left: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;][STYLE=font-size: 10px; text-align: justify; text-indent: 50px; padding: 5px; background-color: #f1f1f1;] The shocking reality of her current situation hit Lolita like a hurricane. She felt completely blindsided and overwhelmed, both by the actual events and the sudden flux of knowledge. Lo suddenly felt completely trapped in the large room, like the walls were moving in on her. She took a deep breath, trying to push out the massive amounts of anger building inside her. Anger was a tool of the devil. She knew better than to act out of spite. But in that moment no matter how hard she tried, all miss Turner could do was fume about the fact that she was basically being abandoned by the only guy she had ever really trusted. Lolita’s face, usually sweet and charming, scrunched up with frustration as she whirled away from Matt. She didn’t want to look at him, didn’t want to blame him. It may have been shitty timing but he was just telling her the truth. ”Since when is this my fault, huh? Your sucky boyfriend decides to move to a different country and you blame me? Really?” Lo flinched—she hated how loud and frightening men could get when angry, and Matt making her feel bad for being upset only made her angrier. Lo clenched her fists together, teeth grinding. She wanted to scream, wanted to punch Oliver but it looked as though she would never have that opportunity. Acting out before she could think, Lo reached over and picked up a large, fancy bottle of perfume from the dresser in front of her. Turning back around she hurled it at the opposite wall with a screech. The glass shattered loudly, but Lo barely watched it as she turned back on Matt. ”What does this have to do with you?! NOTHING! You don’t know anything about how I feel, I don’t blame you I’m just angry!” With that admission, Lo covered her face, horrified at herself. She felt so weak, useless, and helpless. Crumbling in on herself, Lo hunched her shoulders and repeated in a muffled tone, ”I’m just upset, okay?” Delores Turner stomped her foot petulantly, wishing this entire night could be whisked away into the sands of time. Matt’s honesty had completely ruined a night that had already been a bad idea to begin with. She feared what he would say next—it seemed that ever word that came out of the mouth of Matthew Collin’s mouth would unravel her further and further. It was only with great hesitation the Lo lowered her hands in order to say what Matthew had to say next. She stared at him warily and took a couple of steps back towards the bed. In actuality she really didn’t want to take her anger out on Matt—it wasn’t fair or kind and he had always been decent to her. She was relieved at his lowered tone but shocked by what he had to say. ”I’ve done nothing but be here for you, Lo. And you can’t see that.” Lo continued to step towards him, almost hypnotically fascinated by what Matthew had to say. He had always been there for her in his own way. Picking up the pieces, keeping her out of trouble. She had never thought much of it, but in context to his relationships with other people, maybe it was worth taking pause. Her mouth was open in a slightly shocked O as she watched the struggle on her friend’s face as he tried to tell her what he had to say. She suddenly felt guilty for reacting so rashly. You can’t even see that I… Lo’s heart hammered in her throat as she finally sat back down across from Matt on the bed. She had never expected such an emotional breakthrough from the boy across from her. What was it that she couldn’t see? ”want you.” Lo stared silently at Matt for a few moments, heart pounding, trying to process. He wanted her? That could mean a million things, could be construed a million different ways. Emotionally exhausted, Lo felt her throat tighten and threaten that tears were on their way. Everything was a mess. This whole situation was a roller coaster off of it’s tracks. Blinking back tears, Lo choked out, ”You want me, Matt? What do you want from me? To have some fun with me, get what you’ve teased me about all along?” She shook her head, looking away and letting a tear or two fall. ”You don’t understand. You think I don’t see what’s going on between us? You are one of the most important people in my life. You are the person I worry about, the person I want to help. The guy I turn to when I don’t know what to do or I feel terrible. If we peruse this… if we let this happen and you hurt me.” Lo shook her head again, unsure of how to explain how she felt. ”Yeah. Oli hurt me. I’m mad at him and I’m feel betrayed. But if you hurt me Matt…” She turned to look back at him, ”I don’t know how I could ever handle that.” [/style]

[atrb=valign,top][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width:100px; height: 220px; border-right: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;][STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]WORDS: 854[/style] [STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]TAGS: matthew[/style] [STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]NOTES: bitch cray[/style] [STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]CREDIT: BY RIMY FROM BTN! [/style]

[Matthew James Collins]

.

you that i needed all along,

lo had lost it. she had turned into a destructive force he was completely unfamiliar with. the glass shattered into a million pieces. in a split second he was struck with worry, thinking she might have gotten hurt. he flinched but she had turned around to face him, seemingly okay (physically, because emotionally she was the equivalent of a train wreck). "what does this have to do with you?! nothing! you don’t know anything about how i feel, i don’t blame you i’m just angry!" it really wasn't necessary for her to say so, the evidence lay on the ground. there must have been some perfume left in the bottle too because the air was also proof of the young woman's anger. the first time he breathed it in, he felt himself choking, as if his lungs were suddenly collapsing but then came the coughing fit and he was better.

he frustratedly ran a hand through his brown hair, surprised that it didn't get stuck with all the product he put in it. "do you feel better now?" it was a question he knew he'd probably never know the answer to, it was another outburst. lolita covered her face with her tiny hands, looking like a lost child, hopeless and upset. "he was my friend too." he said quietly, well aware that he hadn't been acting like a friend. the only thought that comforted him was ridiculous; that lolita hadn't acted like a girlfriend either. he was also very aware of the fact that he was speaking as if oliver had died. what was wrong with him? why wasn't he more upset about oliver leaving. he tried to blame it on the fact that he'd known for longer than she had but his reaction to it hadn't been nearly as big as this. he felt even worse for not feeling worse.

she looked like she was about to fall apart. lo's temper tantrums had always seemed cute to him. but this was more than that, it was raw emotion spewing in every direction and matt felt like he needed a second just to breathe. he couldn't be so serious, he couldn't reach those moments of vulnerability and depth. he needed the light and the shallow or he'd drown in it. "i'm just upset, okay?" he raised his eyebrow and smirked, bringing in some of that playfulness he craved so much for. "okay, just don't break your foot." he stared pointedly at the foot she'd just stomped on before shaking his head and going back to the subject. "you need to talk to him."

she stared at him, a mixed expression on her face. but she walked back to the bed and he took it as a good sign. it had been unsettling having her go through that, having her seem so far even though they were in the same room. it occurred to him that he could never have what he wanted. it would always be tainted by the circumstances. he had planned on visiting oliver and now it would be too awkward. he certainly didn't plan on telling him anything, not alone anyway. maybe that's why he hadn't felt so bad, initially. he knew that his dad would be more than happy to get him out of the way and send him to france for a couple of weeks. and then this party and the kiss and now he didn't really want him to come back. he was a terrible friend and if he believed everything lo preached about, he would have made a reservation in hell.

her eyes turned into mirrors, reflecting his own insecurities but in reverse. "you want me, matt? what do you want from me? to have some fun with me, get what you’ve teased me about all along?" then he could see that the pools in her eyes tipped over, letting the trails of moisture swim down her cheeks, even after she had turned to the side. tears were a huge weakness for matt. he didn't know how to deal with them and typically bolted when they made an appearance. he didn't like making girls cry yet he usually found himself in front of a crying woman at least once a week. but this was different. he wanted to make it better somehow but instead he choked. "i..." there was nothing he could think of to say, nothing that would wipe away the tears or turn back time.

"you don’t understand. you think i don’t see what’s going on between us? you are one of the most important people in my life. you are the person i worry about, the person i want to help. the guy i turn to when i don’t know what to do or i feel terrible. if we pursue this… if we let this happen and you hurt me." he looked at her questioningly. if anyone was going to be hurting anyone, she was hurting him. he could tell. but at the moment she was the one with tears in her eyes and he didn't know what else to do besides try to kiss them away. but he didn't. he just let her keep talking, his eyes connected to her as if attached by a string. "yeah. Oli hurt me. I’m mad at him and I’m feel betrayed. But if you hurt me Matt…" she turned to meet his eyes and matt felt his heart break all over. "I don’t know how I could ever handle that."

it was clear then. she might love oliver and want him and be upset but he was right. it wasn't his fault. he could be better, he would be better. for her. so that she wouldn't have to go though any of this again. so that she'd finally have someone who wouldn't let her down. he'd made empty promises to girls all his life, but this felt different. he wanted it to be true so bad. he wanted to be that guy for her. the determination was so much stronger than the rest of his feelings, so when he opened his mouth, he really meant it. "i won't ever hurt you. i promise." but then he needed that one final thing. he was at that peak where it was all crystal clear. lo needed to let oliver move on. even if it was with charlie, he didn't care. he was tired of grudges and lies and drama. he needed closure, ends tied, and happy endings (and beginnings).

"break up with him, lo."

[DELORES ELANA TURNER]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=cellspacing,0,true][atrb=style,width: 320px; height: 220px; border-left: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width:100px; height: 220px; border-right: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;][STYLE=font-family: arial narrow; font-size: 30px; line-height: 32px; letter-spacing: -3px;]HONEY TELL ME WHAT I WANT TO HEAR ![/style]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=cellspacing,0,true][atrb=style,width: 320px; height: 220px; border-left: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;][STYLE=font-size: 10px; text-align: justify; text-indent: 50px; padding: 5px; background-color: #f1f1f1;] Lo was shaking like a leaf, afraid of her own feelings and actions. Her body had betrayed her, acting out on all of the anger bottled up inside. She was behaving like a child, and Matt must think at this point that she was completely pathetic. She glanced at him through her fingers, scared to know what he thought of her. His face was impassive, hard to understand. So typical of him. ”Do you feel better now?” Lo blushed, knowing that she was being ridiculous. In reality though she did feel a little better, less pent up. She sat down next to Matt, physically and emotionally exhausted. She nodded and gave him a coy smile. ”he was my friend too.” Lo felt her throat tighten threateningly. She looked Matt in the eye, ”I know… I’m sorry. I was just… it’s a shock.” She shook her head ruefully, ”I’m sorry I threw that bottle. I hope no one heard.” The last thing they needed right now was some prep running in here demanding what had happened. She did need to talk to Oliver. But how could she? He hadn’t been talking to her, hadn’t even told her this huge piece of information. Where would she even begin? The idea was both overwhelming and terrifying. Would she email him? Did he expect her to stay with him, after all this time? Lolita couldn’t do long distance anymore—she was lonely and her personality was far too needy for a long distance relationship. No matter what was going on with Matt, if Oliver wasn’t planning on coming home any time soon, they were over. On one hand that thought was heartbreaking and scary, but on another it was a relief. It felt… freeing, knowing that she no longer felt obligated to keep Oliver in mind with every move she made. It killed her that it was so hard to know what Matt was thinking, as she rambled on and on about her feelings. He was so unexpected—he would either say something totally sweet or mock all of it. Lolita wished a hole would open up in the ground and swallow her up, she felt so mortified and anxious about her admission. Really, telling Matt how much he affected her was giving him far too much power over her. She was putty in his hands and the thought was nerve-wracking. Finally, he spoke. ”I don’t ever hurt you. I promise.” Lo stared at him in disbelief, her heart doing flips in her chest. She suddenly felt an aching affection for the boy across from her, delighted by his answer. She banished all doubt and concerns about his sincerity aside—Matt wouldn’t lie to her, not about something this serious. Eager to show how much it meant to her, Lo skipped words and flew at Matthew, clambering on to his lap and kissing him fiercely. Her legs wrapped around his hips, her hands pressed against the sides of his face, she threw everything she was feeling into the kiss; all of the fear, the relief, the trust and hope and faith. When all the wind was knocked out of her, the young woman leaned back, gently ending the kiss. Her cheeks were sticky with tears but she was smiling sweetly. She didn’t know what else could possibly be said—sure, this situation was still messy and complicated and probably wrong, but at the moment she felt only blissful excitement. Perhaps her reaction was a bit premature—after all, all Matt had said was that he never planned on hurting her. That didn’t necessarily mean he wanted what she wanted. But Lo was definitely the type of girl to assume that people wanted to make her happy, and would generally do what she wanted. She had a feeling that something serious was brewing here. ”Break up with him, Lo.” Her heart stopped, and she stared at Matt. Break up with Oliver? She couldn’t believe that Matt actually wanted her too, and the idea made her heart soar. It hammered nervously in her chest as she replied in a breathless whisper, ”Yes. Yes, okay. I’ll break up with him.” There was so much finality in those few words, and so much change. But the young woman needed more, needed to know that breaking up with Oliver would get her what she really wanted at the moment. Not leaving his lap, Lo stared at Matt through her eyelashes, and continued quietly, ”And if I do? What then? What about…us?” The idea of the two of them being a real, honest couple was sort of unbelievable. Matt didn’t do the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing, and how long could he go without sex? Lo bit her lip, her arms wrapped around Matt’s shoulders, scared to let go. She blushed deeply, refusing to look him in the eye. ”I don’t know… I don’t think that I’m what you want. I can’t… make you happy.” Why were they fooling themselves? Suddenly all the optimism that Lo was feeling felt stale, and she wasn’t sure how they could move forward from this point. She shook her head sadly, suddenly feeling terribly inadequate. ”I’m never going to be one of your bombshell beauties. It’s not who I am, I’m not your kind of girl.” [/style]

[atrb=valign,top][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width:100px; height: 220px; border-right: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;][STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]WORDS: 880[/style] [STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]TAGS: matthew[/style] [STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]NOTES: shit got real[/style] [STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]CREDIT: BY RIMY FROM BTN! [/style]

[Matthew James Collins]

.

you that i needed all along,

just last year matt had mocked a nerdy sophomore for crushing on lolita. you're wasting your time, kid. she's a fucking tease. those were the words he had spoken, deeply believing that no girl was worth falling for, especially if she refused to put out. the exact moment that started to change was impossible to pinpoint. everything about his feelings towards the complex young woman in front of him was a flurry, flying out of his grasp. he'd felt like this before and knew it couldn't end well. there had to be games, flirtation, and mindless physical activity. that was what he was good at. these waters he was struggling to keep afloat in were deep and painfully familiar. his head was screaming at him to get out, the danger that came with drowning was almost tangible. but he was determined. his only option was to keep swimming hoping she'd somehow keep him from going under the threatening waves. his way of surviving was in keeping things light, finding an escape in playful words and his inflated ego. he watched as she spoke, latching onto her every word as if it were a lifeline. the situation was unfair for all of them, and lo seemed to be the one taking things hardest. it wasn't in his nature to want to diffuse chaos. typically matt thrived on drama, finding it all incredibly amusing. but it was different when he was in the middle of it. it was complicated when everything he cared about was hanging on the line.

then he made that promise, a spur of the moment decision based on good intentions. he'd be lying if he said her reaction wasn't more than satisfying. it was that look in her eyes, that look he knew he'd never be able to erase from his mind. it was everything he'd ever wanted in a single stare, a split second of utter bliss simply by the movement around her magnetic headlights. then she came at him, a frantic kiss meant to show gratitude. his arms instinctively curled around her form as she wrapped herself in him. her hands were soft against his newly shaved face despite the force she was putting into it. he felt it. although he'd never realized it, now it was clear. he'd been alone for most of his life. and now he wasn't, and that in itself was a miracle. he had no idea how he'd managed to pull something like this off. especially since he wasn't anywhere close to being a good person. that was when the kiss stopped and so did his excitement. she didn't deserve the asshole, the one who never called a girl back, the one who broke all his promises, and especially not the one who went with girls fully knowing they were already taken. he wasn't sure if that was who he was or if it was just behaviors he could somehow rid himself of. his promise hadn't included how much he was willing to compromise, how much of himself he was willing to give up.

lolita seemed to realize this after he stated what he felt needed to be done. when she agreed it seemed to him as if she thought it was for his benefit and in a way it was. he wanted to be with her but he also didn't want his best friend to be cheated on. that was the crooked reality he wanted no part of. however, having shot that horse in the face already, putting an end to the smoke and mirrors seemed like the next best option in his opinion. especially if oliver was doing some cheating of his own now that there was so many miles between them. her eyelashes were a temporary distraction and some of her words managed to get caught in them. ”And if I do? What then? What about…us?” there was a thrill in hearing that. us. what had always been defined as a strictly prohibited word was now cause for the smile broadening on matt's lips. her arms wrapped around him, as if to secure him from getting up and making a run for it. had it been anyone else he probably would have but she had nothing to worry about. the fear in her hold was completely unnecessary for she had him wrapped around her finger. crimson took over her cheeks and her eyes wandered away. it was so freaking cute he thought he might burst.

he kept quiet and let her get everything out before speaking, but as he heard what she had to say next he realized that it had been a terrible tactic. ”I don’t know… I don’t think that I’m what you want. I can’t… make you happy.” it was stupid, the mere thought made him want to commit serious acts of violence. ”I’m never going to be one of your bombshell beauties. It’s not who I am, I’m not your kind of girl.” he had built a reputation carelessly and now it was the only thing he had. it seemed like it was all he was. the confusion was almost unbearable. but at the moment all he could do was argue passionately, because if there was something worth fighting for, it was her. "get one thing straight, darling. every girl is my kind of girl." realizing this wasn't helping him make his case he carried on. "right now, you're what i want. you make me happier by just sitting here arguing with me than most girls do by fucking. i don't know what it is about you..." he trailed off but soon decided he hadn't said enough. "do you really think i'd risk losing my best friends for someone who wouldn't make me happy? for someone i don't want? you're nuts, lo." he failed to mention that he had already lost them. they were gone the minute they stepped on the plane.

[DELORES ELANA TURNER]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=cellspacing,0,true][atrb=style,width: 320px; height: 220px; border-left: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width:100px; height: 220px; border-right: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;][STYLE=font-family: arial narrow; font-size: 30px; line-height: 32px; letter-spacing: -3px;]HONEY TELL ME WHAT I WANT TO HEAR ![/style]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=valign,top][atrb=cellspacing,0,true][atrb=style,width: 320px; height: 220px; border-left: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;][STYLE=font-size: 10px; text-align: justify; text-indent: 50px; padding: 5px; background-color: #f1f1f1;] They were different people; very different in fact. The whole way they looked at the world was hysterically opposite. In her heart, Lolita Turner would always be a pastor’s daughter, who wanted to do the right thing by God. She wanted to take things slow, to feel cherished, to get married one day. Matt… well, he wanted other things. Isn’t that why he had always teased her, because his opinion of her virginity was so low? She had never sensed real emotion or attachment from him in any romantic sort of way, although the fact that Oliver had always had too much of her attention for her to really notice could factor into that reality. And then there was Lo… when had these feelings for Matt crept up on her? Perhaps they had always been there, buried down by shame and fear of rejection, by knowing that being with him would only ever lead to disaster. Or maybe it wasn’t until Charlie had begun to skirt around the issue; as furious as her accusations had made Delores, they’d also opened her eyes to what was really going on. That she was only with Oliver because it was comfortable, and because it made her feel needed. That was a heartbreaking thought, and terrifying to admit, but there it was. The truth rearing it’s ugly head no matter what the consequences were. It was rather embarrassing to Lo, really, to try to explain that she wasn’t ready for sex. That was really what she was trying to say, at the end of the day—that she liked her virginity and hoped to keep it. That she wasn’t like the others. Matt was really the only one that had ever made her doubt that for a second, and it was here in this very room when they were making out. That feeling in the pit of her belly, a fire that needed to be put out. Still, that line hadn’t been crossed, and Lo still felt rather sure of her decision. She squirmed nervously on Matt’s lap, not wanting to move but also wishing that she didn’t have him studying her face. So, she tucked her face into his shoulder, listening to his voice as it vibrated against her. She was terrified of what he might say in response to her admission, and didn’t want to see his mocking face tell her that that changed everything. ”let’s get one thing straight, darling. Every girl is my kind of girl.” Lo leaned back, furious. She opened her mouth to snap at him, and tensed herself to climb away, but was cut off. ”Right now, you’re what I want. You make me happier by just sitting her arguing with me than most girls do by fucking. I don’t know what it is about you…” Lo’s mouth dropped open, her eyes wide as her eyebrows shot up. She wasn’t sure what to say, and gaped momentarily in disbelief. She finally said faintly, ”I… make you happy? I didn’t know…” ”Do you really think I’d risk losing my best friends for someone who wouldn’t make me happy? For someone I don’t want? You’re nuts, lo.” Grinning goofily, Lo shook her head. ”Who are you and what have you done with Matt Collins?” She really didn’t know how to take this admission of emotion. ”I just can’t believe all of this.” the young girl tipped her head to the side, her short hair just barely brushing her shoulder as she did so. ”In a mission years I never imagined things ending up like this. You and me. Them in France. I really didn’t think you cared about me like that, Matt. I just don’t want to disappoint you.” She leaned back, looking him over with a curious look on her face. She smiled at Matt; a slow, sleepy smile that was paired with heavily lidded eyes. Between the alcohol, how late it was getting, and the emotional tension of the past hour or so, she was starting to feel exhausted. Her head was swimming with conflicting feelings; excited, nervous, sad and confused. She shrugged, her shoulders hunching up and down quickly. ”So,” the young woman finally said in a low, soft voice, ”What happens now?” She planned on talking to Oliver within the next couple of days, but right now it was just the two of them at this party. The center of the storm. Things could stay calm from here, or they could blow out of control. Either way, Lo thought they should probably embrace this blissful moment while they could. [/style]

[atrb=valign,top][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style,width:100px; height: 220px; border-right: 10px solid #ffffff; border-top: 10px solid #ffffff; border-bottom: 10px solid #ffffff; background-color: #ffffff;][STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]WORDS: 839[/style] [STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]TAGS: matthew[/style] [STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]NOTES: this is weird and short I’m sorry D:[/style] [STYLE=font-family: arial; font-size: 10px; border-bottom: 2px solid #7b7b7b;]CREDIT: BY RIMY FROM BTN! [/style]