Tied together /Kaitlyn

[kaitlyn marie poindexter]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; height: 350px,bTable] [STYLE=background: url('http://cdn.blogs.babble.com/strollerderby/files/2012/02/taylor-swift-facebook-prom-acm-awards-100x100.jpg'); height: 100px; width: 100px; border: 10px solid #474747;] [/style] [STYLE=font-style: century gothic; font-size: 15px; text-transform: uppercase; letter-spacing: -2px; background-color: #474747; color: #DBDBDB; padding: 10px; width: 100px; line-height: 10px; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; border-left: 2px solid #DD6D14; ]words[/style][STYLE=font-family: tahoma; font-size: 10px; text-transform: lowercase; text-align: justify; line-height: 9px; width: 80px; padding: 10px;]4007[/style][STYLE=font-style: century gothic; font-size: 15px; text-transform: uppercase; letter-spacing: -2px; background-color: #474747; color: #DBDBDB; padding: 10px; width: 100px; line-height: 10px; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; border-left: 2px solid #DD6D14; ]tag[/style][STYLE=font-family: tahoma; font-size: 10px; text-transform: lowercase; text-align: justify; line-height: 9px; width: 80px; padding: 10px;]doesn't apply[/style][STYLE=font-style: century gothic; font-size: 15px; text-transform: uppercase; letter-spacing: -2px; background-color: #474747; color: #DBDBDB; padding: 10px; width: 100px; line-height: 10px; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; border-left: 2px solid #DD6D14;]notes[/style][STYLE=font-family: tahoma; font-size: 10px; text-transform: lowercase; text-align: justify; line-height: 9px; width: 80px; padding: 10px;]omg so this is a kate solo i worked really hard on, thanks to anyone who reads it[/style]

[STYLE=font-family: tahoma; font-size: 10px; text-transform: lowercase; text-align: justify; line-height: 9px; height: 300px; overflow: auto; background-color: #474747; color: DBDBDB; padding: 10px;] It was a hot summer day; the air itself could burn you from its temperature, the humidity that lingered in the air was so thick it made breathing feel more like choking and even though it was no more than 9 in the morning, the sidewalks radiated so much heat you could have gone and cooked your breakfast on them. However, the day had started out like any other for her; she had woken up and showered, gone downstairs and eaten a half frozen waffle for breakfast while watching the 10 o'clock cartoons on Tv and then gone out. Like always, she hadn't had a destination in mind when going out, letting her feet take control as she concentrated on other things. She concentrated on the intensity of the rays of the sun and how she could feel them burning her skin. She concentrated on that slight, warm breeze she could feel blowing against her skin; not refreshing at all, it was more of a punishment than a gift. She concentrated on the rapid beat her feet made as they slapped against the sidewalk, searching for a place where the heat wouldn't burn through her sneakers' soles. Distractions were always welcome to her, she liked to not think about the things that mattered. She didn't like how those types of thoughts only brought her pain. Thinking about how her parents hadn't come and seen her since they had dumped her at her house 9 years earlier at some point in her life had been excruciating. She had managed to numb the pain though and now when she thought about how they probably only sent her money every week so she wouldn't call child services to complain about her horrible parents, she felt nothing. She now resented her parents for thinking that receiving 300 dollars per week to use as she pleased and having people there to take care of her made up for not having parents since the age of 8. Her last nanny had left when she was 15, the cook and maid still lived with her but were prohibited from making contact with her. All in all, she felt it was a lonelier experience than just living alone... Knowing there was someone else in the house you couldn't make contact with. Shaking her head, trying to dispel these kinds of thoughts and trying to concentrate on petty things once more; she didn't realize she was walking straight into the path of a dog. She stumbled as the dog tried to make its way through her legs, and barely managed to catch herself with the fence of the house she was walking by. Scowling, she brushed the dirt off her hands and turned to glare at the dog; as if that would solve all her problems, before walking away once more. She sighed, realizing she was a few minutes away from her favorite bar and walking straight to it. It was a grungy sort of place, she had a feeling that it wasn't cleaned often and that the glasses were only washed because it was necessary but she still loved it... She felt more at home there than in her own house. She had first stumbled across it when she was no more than 13, a rainstorm pushing her to find refuge in the nearest place had caused her to run into the bar; soaking wet. The bartender had given her a blanket and a cup of hot chocolate, sitting with her until the rain died down so she could go home. She had visited the place often ever since. She was now good friends with Gary the bartender, a sweet 50 something year old man with two children and 7 grandchildren he loved more than he could bear. Sometimes he joked about how she was his eighth grandchild, how she held a part of his heart. She laughed and joked along, never believing him... If her parents didn't want her, why should he? It felt good though, to pretend somebody cared for her; even if it was just a few minutes. The only downside to this whole situation was that he knew how old she was; knew she wasn't allowed to drink... And this had been the main reason she hadn't been back these past few weeks. She had been craving alcohol more lately, something that scared her... She didn't want to become an alcoholic but it seemed she couldn't keep herself away from the booze. The buzz she felt when a few drinks had already made their way through her system, the way it made her feel more alive than she felt at any sober moment of the day had her crawling back to the drinks and drowning her sorrows in them daily. She wanted to stop but at the same time she didn't want to; she didn't want to be able to think and feel properly, she just wanted to float through life. Unfeeling, unthinking, unloving. At least until her conscience caught up to her the next morning, lying in a sweaty and sticky mess in a stranger's bed and regretting every moment she couldn't remember. She shuddered as she was reminded of the place she had woken up in a few days ago. Her back still ached from the awkward position she had woken up in... Or maybe it was the fact she had slept on the floor? Anyway, she had woken up a mess, covered in a red substance that looked strangely like blood (she had been assured later that it wasn't but she wasn't sure she believed that) and the area around her mouth was covered in a strange, white, and crusty substance that tasted horrible; she had a pretty good idea what it was. Why was it that you couldn't remember the good parts but could remember the horribleness of the morning after with such clarity? If it was meant to be God's punishment, it didn't work well enough... Though that last experience HAD put her off going out these past few days... Just not off drinking. She pushed through the doors and walked straight to the bar, looking back and forth for Gary; waiting for him to pop out and greet her with his usual 'hey there sunshine' before pulling her to a booth, plopping down with a soft drink for her and starting a conversation. It was their usual routine, and she hadn't realized how much she had missed it until now. When he finally came out, carrying a few boxes of beer in his arms, he looked shocked to see her there; as if he couldn't believe she had come back. "Sunshine?" He said, his eyebrows nearing his hairline in his surprise. "Is that you?" She felt shy as she nodded, twisting a bit of her hair in her hands nervously before giving him an awkward half-wave type thing. "Hi Gary," her voice was shaky and she realized she hadn't spoken at all for the past few days. Not after leaving that house with the horrible non-memories behind. She cleared her throat quickly, trying to make her voice sound normal again. "Have you missed me? I'm sorry I haven't been by." "I thought something had happened to you sunshine, I was so worried but I had no way to find you! Come and sit down, I'll just put these boxes down and we can catch up." He looked genuinely relieved at seeing her again, something that made her skin prickle uncomfortably... She hadn't meant to worry him, she hadn't realized that would happen. She wasn't used to someone worrying about her... She was used to being on her own so much, she'd forgotten what it meant to care for other people and suddenly felt guilty of how little she'd thought of him these past few weeks. Awkwardly and nervously, she brought her body to the bar and plopped down on a stool, her hands still wringing a piece of her hair. She hadn't been expecting the hug he came up and gave her, and she stiffened when she suddenly felt the two arms wrap around her. She didn't calm down until she recognized his voice coaxing her to hug him back and as soon as she managed to control her arms again, she wrapped them around his body. "I missed you sunshine, the weeks have been boring without you cheering the place up for me." She offered him a small and guilty smile, vowing to herself to never go so long without coming to see this man again. "I lost track of time, summer does that to me." It was the truth, even if it wasn't the reason she hadn't come by lately. Summer messed up time for her, it twisted the days until it felt like it was just one and made nights feel like they would never end. It was like falling into a circle, never being able to distinguish the beginning from the end. "I went to camp this year, as a counselor." "Really? I thought you looked more tan! Anyway, how was it? Did you help any kids?" He knew what camp she was talking about, the one she'd spent a month at when she was 15. It was a camp to help kids with eating disorders, to help them overcome them. "I hope I did, I don't think they believed me that I wasn't sick anymore... I'm still so thin!" She didn't comment on the fact that she still didn't like eating, that she forgot to do it half of the time. She was still trying to get better and even though the process was slow, she was succeeding. "You are pretty thin sunshine, I think you've lost weight since I last saw you... Or maybe I chubbied you up in my head?" He winked at her before pushing a bowl of nachos across the bar to her. He nodded towards the bowl, a serious look on his face. "They're on me." She smiled slightly in response before slowly dipping her fingers into the bowl full of salty tortilla chips and hot cheese. He grabbed her arm and pulled on it softly, the signal she had been waiting for to go to their booth. She stood up, tucking the bowl between her arms carefully before she loped over to it. She slid onto the plastic covered bench in front of him and settled down for a long conversation. Three hours later, she was stepping out into the hot sun again, feeling drained. It had been harder than she expected to keep up the act of a perfectly happy and recovered anorexic and bulimic in front of someone who actually paid attention. Her friends never noticed when she decided to skip meals, she didn't do it as often anymore though... She really DID want to get better, her stomach though; did not. She was working through it, her inspiration being this girl she'd seen a few years back when she was about to be sent to camp. It was the first time she'd seen another anorexic up live, and the scene still haunted her. The girl had been more bones and skin than anything else, she had found herself wondering how she could stand up. The skin on her face looked haggard, as if it'd aged surprisingly fast and she had felt incredibly scared that if she continued down the path she had been treading at that moment; she'd end up like her. She could see the girl's face behind her closed eyelids and she opened her eyes and looked up towards the Sun, as if trying to burn the image away. She started walking soon after, half blinded by the spot of light that interrupted her vision. She didn't really care though, as long as she couldn't see that girl's face anymore. She stopped in a the shadow of a tree and sank down next to it, leaning her back against its trunk. She stretched out her legs and reached into her pocket, pulling out a piece of questionable looking gum and she popped it into her mouth before she could investigate it too much. She closed her eyes and laid back against the tree's trunk, humming tunelessly to herself. She toyed with a piece of grass between the fingers of her right hand while pulling out her cellphone with her left one. Without opening her eyes, she dialed the first number that came to her mind, her best friend's number. "Hey lovely, how're ya faring?" She rolled her eyes at the sound of the boy's voice coming out of the plastic apparatus and smiled. She had never been good at being friends with girls, it was too much drama for her... But boys were just fine, in fact; she liked them a lot more. "Are you watching the British channel again? I can tell you know." The teasing lilt to her voice made the boy laugh and she let the sound wash over her, she loved that manifestation of happiness that people seemed to think so little about; as if it wasn't special. But she knew, she knew how special it was even if it was taken for granted... Sort of like friendship or paternal love, sometimes. "Really? You can?" The slight and almost unnoticeable British accent he always imitated unconsciously seeped through the phone and she basked in it. She basked in the knowledge that she knew him so well. "You just speak differently. It's amusing actually." She giggled into the phone and could almost feel him smile in response through it. "Watcha doing lovely? Are you wandering the streets again? Come over, I'd love to see ya." "I'll be there." She snapped her phone shut with a smile and used the tree trunk to push herself up to a sort-of standing position. She leaned her head back against it, exposing her neck and letting the small columns of sunlight that filtered through the leaves warm small patches of her skin. It wasn't too long before she was on the move though, with a soft smile on her lips and a new destination in her mind. It wasn't long before she was standing in front of her friend's door, a fine sheet of sweat covering her body and her curls slightly droopy from the sweltering heat. It took her a few moments to gather up her courage to ring the doorbell, the horrible self-doubt creeping up in the back of her mind when the house stayed eerily silent afterward. Had she gotten the wrong house? That doubt was squashed moments after, when she heard a window pop open and looked up to find a head sticking out of the wall. "Hey babes!" He shouted down the front of the house, looking completely comfortable with half of his body sticking precariously out of a window. "Door's unlocked, snag something from the kitchen on your way up 'kay?" She nodded, a shy smile painted over her face as she stepped through the doorway into a cramped hallway. The ground under her feet made a strange crackling noise as she stepped forwards and she noticed the remains of a crystal vase covering the ground. Kneeling down, she passed her hand over the crushed pieces of glass carefully enough to make sure she wouldn't cut herself. She chuckled as she remembered the night it had broken and had just closed her fingers lightly around a big shard of glass when she heard a voice come down the stairs. "What's taking so long babes? I'm hungry." The whine in his voice was unmistakeable, and she looked up just in time to see him pouting adorably at the foot of the stairs in his pajamas. "I take it your mom hasn't been back." She said it lightly, the way someone would discuss the weather or a broken down toilet at school. Her soft voice carried across the hall perfectly but she still felt a pang of sadness when her friend's shoulders drooped for a second before he righted himself once more. "She prolonged the honeymoon again, said something about how people who could stay in Rome or wherever for more than a week should be arrested if they don't." His voice was strained, and she smiled bitterly; clenching her hand around the shard of glass almost compulsively. "She's staying for two more weeks." She looked down at her fingers, not feeling any pain as the edges of the glass broke open the skin of her palm. She let it fall to her feet and she fisted her hand, trying to hide the nightmarish image her hand made all covered in blood. She looked up at him and offered him a smile and an unbloodied hand, cocking her head in the kitchen's general direction. "Let's get you some breakfast." She tried not to feel guilty about the fact that she could offer no words of comfort in her friend's time of need as she cooked him breakfast. A look in his direction sent a pang of sadness and resentment through her. Nobody should look so lost and sad because of someone who obviously didn't care for them, nobody should be hurt that way just because of another woman who wasn't meant to be a mother. Grabbing the plate of eggs and bacon, and with the toast held with the edges of her bloody fingers, she walked to him and sat down on his lap. "I made you your favorite." "Oh really?" "Mhm." "So, that's you on a bed without clothes on, right?" The plate of food was left, forgotten in the kitchen as the two broken teens made their way up the stairs in the search of that love they weren't receiving as their fellow teenagers were; hoping to find it in the tangling of limbs and sheets. Hoping to find it in that moment where two bodies became one. Hoping to find it, even though they knew from experience that it would only be one moment where they felt they belonged before they fell into a pit of despair once more; falling into the never ending circle of searching. And the rest of the morning was a blur. It was mid afternoon when she stumbled through that doorway again, her small hand covered by another. The smile they offered each other was one of affection and trust, and in that moment they knew they wouldn't be left alone... Because they had each other. The moment became bittersweet though, when both realized it wasn't perfect, and their hands sprang free from each other. Tears pricked at her eyes uncomfortably as a wave of uncontrollable anger pulsed through her body. She looked at the boy next to her with despair, hoping that they would finally fall in love. She sighed helplessly as she felt no flutters in her stomach when her eyes roamed his features. It was all they were missing; the promise they'd made each other. 'Hey babes?' He'd said that first night they'd hooked up, three years after having become best friends, a surprisingly long time for her. 'Hmm?' She'd whispered, drawing light patterns with her fingers on his chest. 'If we ever fall in love, we'd try to make this work right?' She'd sat up immediately, ready to flee. It wasn't until she'd caught sight of the defeated look on his face when he realized that had been what he'd been expecting all along. She hadn't realized he'd been hoping he'd be different, and in that moment she wished he was. She'd never been one for boyfriends, tying the knot seemed impossible. She ran from emotional intimacy and couldn't keep herself from jumping from boy to boy... It wasn't until she realized she didn't really want to hurt the guy looking at her with those sad, hopeful eyes that she spoke. 'If we ever do fall in love, I promise I won't leave your side. We just both have to feel it, ok?' She hadn't told him that she thought she might be broken, that she thought she would never be able to fall in love even if she was trying. They loved each other but they weren't in love, and for them that was enough. Now, a year and a half later, they were still the same as they had always been. The same as any other two best friends; except, of course, for the recurring habit of falling into bed together. They had each other for those moments of weakness they had behind closed doors but were no more exclusive than a mosquito bit only one person in its whole life. She saw the sun disappear slowly over the edges of the houses behind him and she smiled at the image he made, the sunlight forming a halo of light around his head, the soft smile on his lips as he looked back at her, the vulnerability in his eyes. "Sun's going down right? Party starts soon." "What, you know how to tell time with the sun now? Impressive." He tipped his head back, loud peals of laughter leaving his open mouth and bouncing their way up the walls. A flock of birds sprang from a nearby tree, disturbed because of the sudden noise. They created a sudden and huge black cloud in the sky before circling the area once and flying away. A small bird lagged behind, flapping its wings to an almost comical speed in its effort to catch up with the group. The two teens locked eyes for a few seconds before bursting into an uncontrollable and unexplainable laughing fit. A few minutes later, on the ground and breathless, there wasn't anything they could do but smile at each other and grab each other's hand once more, looking for comfort usually found in familiarity. The party was at a house she'd never seen before, or at least, one she didn't remember. It didn't matter whose it was, they would probably regret later having opened their house up to hundreds of teens with alcohol. They walked across the front yard, sidestepping the already tipsy people scattered across the grass. Their features were blurred in the darkness, making it impossible to know whose limbs you were tripping over and making her mumbled apologies feel insincere. Reaching the front door with their fingers still intertwined, they exchanged a soft smile before opening the door and parting ways. The next morning, she woke up naked covered in a purplish goo lying down next to an unknown girl. She stood up and grabbed a random t-shirt to clean herself off, feeling repulsed by the state she had found herself in. Her head hurt so much she couldn't think straight as she stumbled over other teen's bodies, looking for her clothes. She found them along with him and woke him up, ready to take him home. He woke up and smiled at her before vomiting all over himself. Her nose wrinkled but she helped him up anyway, pulling him to the bathroom along with her clothes. She sat him down on the toilet and got dressed with him watching her. "You're beautiful Kate." He whispered, looking at her the way you'd look at a particularly nice thing someone has in their house, with wonder in his eyes and his mouth hanging open. She chuckled a bit and shook her head, wondering how much he had drunk last night to still be drunk after waking up. "Thanks Hunter." Grabbing a small towel, she cleaned him up while he whispered sweet things and played with her hair. She couldn't stop the soft smiles that he caused with his comments, or the small laughs. She couldn't stop her heart from swelling with affection for the lost boy sitting in front of her. Wiping his mouth, she planted a chaste kiss on it before pulling him up and out of the house. That was how they found themselves walking home the next morning, disgusting, depressed and together. Always together.[/style]

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