hanson, faye celeste

[faye celeste hanson]

FAYE HENSON

full name faye celeste hanson
nicknames none
type original
gender female
age seventeen
birthday august fifteenth
group rejects
clique loners
grade senior
sexuality straight
occupation waitress at diner
face claim jennifer lawrence
alias maggie

persona
cold, calculating, cut off, hurting, mourning the loss of her father, wishing for companionship, lonely, independent, self sufficient, efficient, stubborn, stuck in one place, used to the way her life is, adverse to change, sarcastic, insensitive, vulnerable.

life
it had taken a while to master completely. this wasn't something you just learned overnight... it took a bit of mastery, definitely a lot of focus and determination. hours spent "practicing", though there really was no way to practice - you just had to figure out how to use it correctly while in action. everything was field work, persay, and it wasn't easy at first - after a while, it might have appeared to be less strenuous or seem more natural to do. but nothing ever really covered up what was underneath - ironic, considering that was just what this was supposed to do. but it never really did. everything was an excuse, everything was a game - everyone was waiting for something, anticipating the realization of their hopes and dreams, searching for what would make them truly happy. but what they never seemed to understand about this life was that those things would never come. it was something you had to accept. happiness was not something you waited for and found some day. a rare few were supposedly gifted with it, though faye had never experienced any of those. the rest, she could tell. no one was truly happy. such a general term - but such a complex idea. nowhere near simple to be happy - maybe for an hour or two at the most, but there were always the skeletons in the beautifully rich mahogany of your closet doors, the shadows and ghosts lurking underneath the rich velvet and frame on your bed, waiting for an opportune moment to seize all that had temporarily improved how you felt and take it all away, like a lingering chokehold around your windpipe because, while you could beg and grovel to prove that you had mastered it, no one could really ever master it.

he had taught her everything - sat with her on humid, stormy afternoons and told her stories about things that happened at work. he left out the stories that would haunt her, though. those were left for later, after they killed off her father and went after her. haunted her. what did they have to do to qualify for that action? things that weren't tangibly there, things that she couldn't see or hear or touch, but things that continued to play with her mind. her father had been the skeleton of a man by the time he was done. he didn't show it, though. that must be why she loved him so much - he had been the one who was closest to mastering it, mastering the mask that you could put on to cover up the fact that your happiness had already been snatched up from under your bony, hungry fingers, yanked from before your melancholy and deserted eyes. but you figured out how to cope just enough so that the people around you didn't have to cast you sympathetic glances and ask if you were okay, if you needed to talk to someone because that was the worst. there was no one who could understand, ever. they were all one of two things: superficial and sympathetic, or superficial and apathetic. never understanding. they never could conceive the exact pain you had gone through, so no, you did not want to talk to them. they were the enemy. they might as well have snatched out your dreams themselves.

this is where the game comes in. while you have now conclusively come to the decision that everyone else is the enemy, you can't just let them see that you believe that. after all, what would their reaction be? anger, most likely. that was all that faye had experienced when she first treated everyone else like the enemy. "why won't you let me in? i can help you. i understand what you're going through. you have to let me get through to you. please talk to me." harping, harping, harping at her until she wished she could claw her ears out and bleed for all those that made her father bleed.

it wasn't the sadness that killed her father. or so the doctor said, while he poked and prodded at her dead daddy's body, and came to the conclusion it was the bullet that killed him. a bullet that killed two of them, actually. there were two that were dead by the end of that day - not just her father and beloved but someone else's. she had seen him before, several times; faye really hadn't ever spoken to him. but the occasional work parties her father would haul the family to with, and introduce them to his partner and that family. faye's young eyes took him in, a small smile, maybe. but not after. those were the darkest of times, something she didn't want to revisit even in her mind. but that wasn't exactly her choice, now was it?

for the longest time after her father died, the first reaction faye had was to push everyone away. after all, that made the most sense, didn't it? she didn't want or need their help, in her own mind. and then he had approached her. rather pitifully, in fact, to try to prove to her he wanted to be her friend and they could get better together through this. by that time, faye was sealed off permanently. she had fixed it, mastered it as best she could. mastered what, i'm sure you're thinking, have been thinking throughout the entirety of this story. mastered the mask, you see. so no one can tell. it should be as simple as that, but it wasn't. this boy who seemed to care about her, want to care more, was something that hurt her in a place where the mask wouldn't help her. and, firstly and above all other things, it scared faye. it scared her to not be able to put on the mask and tell him she was fine and she didn't want to be friends with him. so, she pushed him away from the pain of her past. she wouldn't speak to him after that. avoided him, at the age of twelve and no one was on her side.

it stayed that way for a while. throughout her school, there was no one who really wanted to get close to her. faye was fine with this. she didn't want anyone to talk to her, for the last time. as much as her mother tried to get involved in her only child's life and heal the scars of the past, faye pushed her out as well. it was the only way she knew to recover. soon enough, she was in kimball, and nothing really changed from where it was in middle school. people still ignored her, she still pushed them away if they came up to her. it was the mask that pushed them away, not faye directly. perhaps she would even try to be friendly - but the second things passed this, it was an involuntary response to cut off all contact. and that didn't go well with relationships. everyone had either been too hurt or didn't care enough to pursue her further. and faye was left alone. the way she thought she liked it.

two am, where do i begin,
crying off my face again.
the silent sound of loneliness,
wants to follow me to bed.

i'm a ghost of a girl,
that i want to be most.
i'm the shell of a girl,
that i used to know well.

dancing slowly in an empty room,
can the lonely take the place of you?
i sing myself a quiet lullaby,
let you go and let the lonely in,
to take my heart again.

too afraid to go inside,
for the pain of one more loveless night.
but the loneliness will stay with me,
and hold me till i fall asleep.

i'm a ghost of a girl,
that i want to be most.
i'm the shell of a girl,
that i used to know well.

dancing slowly in an empty room,
can the lonely take the place of you?
i sing myself a quiet lullaby,
let you go and let the lonely in,
to take my heart again.

broken pieces of,
a barely breathing story.
where there once was love,
now there's only me,
and the lonely.

dancing slowly in an empty room,
can the lonely take the place of you?
i sing myself a quiet lullaby,
let you go and let the lonely in,
to take my heart again.

some of faye's positive traits are her independence, free will, and courage. she is able to push through most things, despite all she's gone through. it has actually helped her. if she focuses her pain on her father, she is able to put other things on a lower level of urgency and therefore take them easily. however, this leads into her negative traits. faye is very distrustful, stubborn, often sarcastic and insensitive, and doesn't try very hard to get people to like her. she thinks she's fine without anyone else, but when no one is around, she's more vulnerable than ever.

roleplaying sample
one last time for you, then we really have to go.